Tag Archives: sliding into your dms

How I Met Your Father: Say hello to my little block button friend

oprah blocked
Image credit: http://www.okmzansi.co.za

Kids, in the autumn of 2017 I was MORE than ready to treat myself to another dating pause because gods be damned, pickings for suitable men were drier than the Sahara.

Nightly chats with your Auntie Yoli reassured me that I wasn’t the only one experiencing this phenomenon but nevertheless, in the interest of educating and certainly entertaining you, here are two occassions when I became well acquainted with the ol’ block button:

April 2017…

Whilst watching your Spirit Brother take his well earned turn on the cosplaying stage at the FanCon masquerade, I was joined by what on the surface seemed like a cute photographer named Cole *** ( name changed to protect the idiot’s identity).

It started out with that most perfect of rom-coms lines: “Is this seat taken?”

cuteguyalert
Image credit: http://www.wordpress.com

I was sure that finally, FINALLY my luck had turned and your Spirit Mom was right, I was meeting my Superman at a comic book convention. Here was someone who took an interest in me, my geekiness and was quite keen to get to know me.

Sigh…

While Cole initially charmed me with how uber excited he was to be there and cooing over the cute kids dressed in costume, he quickly disgraced himself in my eyes.

Not only did he quickly fill me in on the politics of comic book convention photography and the perverts that take models’numbers and details to stalk them with, but he then kept yelling sexist and inappropriate cat calls at the Masquerade MC ( and I quote : “OMG, you’re so hot…DO ME already!).

I shit you not.

As I hurriedly whisked your Spirit Brother off the stage and away, Cole yelled out to me:

“Invite me on Facebook!”

Hells to the f*** no! BLOCKED!

May 2017…

Another month, another comic book doos who thinks he has superhero player powers…

With two busy months of magic PR and mountain socials ahead of me, I was adamant about taking a break from dating… then Mo*** (again, for his own safety, let’s give him a different identity) slid into my Instagram DMs, as the cool kids (obviously not me!) would say.

slideintoyourdms
Image caption: Quickmeme

This too-cool-for-school jackass managed to get in a couple of half-assed messages asking about my TV series, movies and comic book interests before throwing the “Come and give me a back massage” line at me.

What the actual f***?

We, and I stress this again, were not having a sexual conversation of any nature.

In fact, he hadn’t even made any mention of trying to chat me up, up until this point. I thought we were just having a general “Hey, we’re comic book geeks together” conversation so where, in all of Krypton, did this idiot get the idea that I wanted to be his masseuse or call girl?

Gods…

I want to say I blocked him after that but sadly, when I didn’t respond to his request, he sent me another message a few days later, asking me to come and nurse him back to health because he had the flu.

blocked
Image credit: Pinterest

F**k that shit… Block button, come to me, Baby!