Tag Archives: pick-up lines

How I Met Your Father: No Date November

Kids, as you’ll recall, I hit the pause button on finding your Dad as a birthday present to myself in November 2017…One week and a bit into this experiment, things were going relatively well.

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Image credit: http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

With my fingers getting a break from swiping left or right and my eyes lifted up and away from my phone screen, I was getting out and about in Cape Town.

Sure, I hit some bumps in the road like Mother Nature wreaking havoc on social outings:

HowIMetYourFather November 2017

But, this online dating detox also got me back into the habit of flirting with baristas at markets:

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Image credit: www.fullredneck.com

Him: “Enjoy your hot chocolate… maybe next time we can enjoy a coffee together?”

Me: “Only if it is as hot as you are”

Three minutes later, it was the next stall holder’s turn trying to engage me into a conversation about Wonder Woman, in relation to my wearing a branded t-shirt.

Getting hit twice in the space of minutes? Totally unheard of and I was loving it:

Image credit: http://www.yourdailydish.com

With every upswing,though, there has to be a downside too…

Sigh…

You’d think that with me being off dating apps, the sleazy DMs would stop but of course, I was still a magnet for online weirdos:

Image credit: Pinterest

Lourens was clearly so turned on by my dismal walking pace on my Garmin Challenge tracker, he felt the need to say “How ya doin?” on the app AND by sending me a message on Facebook!

This wanna-be Casanova had no work place, address or content on his profile page, save for endless photos of a baby.

Oh hell no! Meet my little block button friend, brother… F*** it! NEXT!

How I Met Your Father: The Corny One Hit One Line Wonders Part 2

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Image credit: www.dumpaday.com

Kids, by the winter of 2016, I was so over corny one hit one liners from guys, it ain’t funny.

But those never-say-die blokes just kept them coming and I unfortunately had to suffer through it.

Let me tell you about that one time a corny one hit one line wonder made me wish I had stayed at home indefinitely:

July 2016 …

It was a few days post your great-grandfather’s funeral and I was in desperate need of medication to treat my throat infection.

Sure, I was already in my PJs but there was an all-night pharmacy in the City Centre AND this was student/hipster central Cape Town – no one would care what I looked like at 9pm at night, right?

So, off I went to the pharmacy, sans make-up, hair sticking out at all angles and rocking a blocked nose with my PJs mostly obscured by my very bright pink hoodie.

As I made my way through the turnstile, the pharmacy assistant piped up with:

“I must say, that pink jacket just does wonders for you, hey”

Are you f***ing kidding me, Dude? I was pale with grief, strung out on painkillers and nowhere near being in the mood for any variation of “How ya doin?” and this guy was hitting on me! LOSER!

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Image credit: http://www.media.giphy.com

I ignored him like a stop sign but not before remembering that my friend Fatima met her now-husband on a day she ran into Woolworths for diapers, with uncombed hair and a vomit-splattered t-shirt.

Maybe there was something uber attractive to men about women looking like complete train wrecks I didn’t know about?

As I made my way to the dispensary counter, I heard the assistant’s co-workers snicker at him with:

“Really? That pink jacket just does wonders for you? Bra, you are so not cool!”

My thoughts exactly!