Tag Archives: Jumanji

How I Met Your Father: the one where 2020 took things to Jumanji levels of horrible

There I was, lying spread-eagled, legs in the air, searching for my underwear, panting hard and screaming the Good Lord’s name…

I know what you’re thinking but get your minds out of the goddamn (pun totally intended) gutter!

I’d recently torn my left ankle’s tendons and had realised, midway through trying to pull my pants over my ridiculously sexy ( NOT) moon boot, that I’d forgotten to slip my panties on first. To quote this lovely old broad:

Of all the ways I imagined exerting myself in my bedroom once the national lockdown levels had been lowered, this was not it.


Sigh…


And once again, 2020 was attempting to give Jumanji a run for its f***ing money. At this point, my New Year’s Eve was going to look like this:

With another two months of strict bed rest ahead of me ( yes, I’d painfully been granted my wish of not going outside just yet – the Big Guy has a sick sense of humour!), I would have more than enough time to make my life changing moves from my bedroom, which really is where all epic things start, right?!

How I Met Your Father: The one with the ticking biological clock PT 2

Kids, in January 2018, random babies were literally throwing themselves at me…

At McDonald’s while I was chowing down a Happy Meal (quit judging me, HMs are like 20 bucks cheaper AND I was collecting toys for my younger cousin Israh… that’s my story and I am sticking to it!)

At Spar, when I was doing my evening shopping.

Those cute dimples, the curly hair, the womb-tugging giggles that rose from their little bellies as they delighted in my cooing at them.

These run-ins¬† constantly¬† had me fantasizing about dressing you guys up in Wonder Woman or Superman costumes for your first photo shoot…

Image credit: Pinterest

My biological clock wasn’t ticking so much as it was imitating the Jumanji’s insane drumming schtick:

The only New Year’s resolution I’d made was that man or no man, come hell or high water, I was having you in 2020 and I knew I was working hard on my mind, body ( by restarting my ankle-interruptus running career) and soul ( more travel, less drama) to get to that goal.

Gif credit: Buzzfeed

Seeing adorable babies just made the need to have you a little too much to bear, my loves…