Tag Archives: House Wyrd

How I Met Your Father: A PSA to smug marrieds and otherwise attached people

Kids, today’s abject lesson in why people should mind their own gods-be-damned business comes in the form of a public service announcement I wrote in September 2017.

Have a gander at this:

Dear Smug Marrieds and Otherwise Attached People (including my f***tard of an Uber driver the other night),

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Image credit: Yarn

This evening I had to listen to one of your ring-wearing,boring AF breathen tell me that, and I quote, “You’re 31 and still not married? Being married is then so nice! What’s wrong with you?”

The answer, in short, is NOTHING!

Why the f*** do you assume that because I do not have a ring on my finger and I am not attached to a man/woman, that there is something wrong with me?

Newflash, you idiots, singledom is not a f***ing disease!

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Image credit: Pinterest

Just because you cannot live without someone to check in with and share your every goddamn move all day everyday, someone to cook,clean and care for and vice versa, someone to share a bank account with, someone to moan to your friends and mother about when they inevitably do not live up to your expectations, does not mean that I have to do the same.

Please, for the love of the gods, leave me be. I am a successful, independent, beautiful and happy young woman with a searing passion for love, life, travel, magic, family, friends, Alexander Skarsgard and Game of Thrones.

The next time you feel the impulse to bless me with your unsolicited comments about my singleton status in person or online ( I swear to the gods if I get one more “I’m so glad that I no longer have to deal with online dating woes” from a newly coupled blogger, I will burn their sites down, Wight Viserion-style!), don’t!

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Image credit: Vanity Fair

And don’t, I am begging you with tears in my big, beautiful, brown eyes, say shit to me like “When you are in a relationship, you’ll understand” when I wonder out loud why the f*** you gave up all of your individuality for a partner who doesn’t appreciate you.

If that is what passes for love and committment these days, you sir/madam, can keep that shit to yourself.

I am only going to say this once, so listen carefully:

I am not:

  • Too picky
  • Too full of myself ( I am f***ing beautiful, intelligent and amazing. I deserve the best!)
  • Inferior to you ( treat me with the same respect I do you)
  • Too old to wait (some people only find their equals later in life)
  • Too difficult (I know what I want and who I am. If a man can’t deal with that, that is his f***ing problem!)
  • A man hater ( trust me, if you had to see my browser history or my past loves, you’d know I love men)
  • Child-adverse ( children are drawn to me like magnets and my ova are screaming out to be fertilised)
  • Too independent ( utter this shit to me and I will bitch slap you!)

Yes, I am a Destiny’s Child poster girl and I am f***ing proud of it!

I’m not sorry my singledom makes you squirm because you’re secretly jealous of my freedom.

Go f** with someone else’s mindset.

Love,

Fazielah

 

 

 

 

 

How I Met Your Father: the one where I wanted a man like Game of Thrones’s Tormund

Kids, as your Uncle T, Spirit Mom and I mourned the ending of the penultimate season of Game of Thrones, I came to a major Wilding-esque conclusion…

I wanted a man who looked at and talked about me the way big, rugged Tormund talked about the Lady Brienne of Tarth:

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I knew he was a fictional character ( and by far, one of the gods-be-damned best!) but I loved how unashamedly he adored her and wanted to make giant babies with her!

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Image credit: Igmur

Where, for the love of the Lord of Light, was my Wildling, desperate to father you?

You might think this was a weird thing to want, but men blurting out a line like this at the women in our family has worked before.

In fact, your Grandpa said it to your Nan in the 1980s:

Sigh…

Your father was out there, Kids… your impatient Mother of Dragons just had to keep the faith and wait for him.

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