Tag Archives: friend-zone

How I Met Your Father: the one where I fell in love with the wrong guy

Kids, in October 2019, my life fell apart…

Jet, after falsely accusing me of discussing him with co-workers and yelling at me from the very staircase where I’d fallen in love with him , rejected me twice as just a “dear friend” in a series of Whatsapp messages.

After a nearly a year of flirting, texting, spending lunch times together, sexual and emotion tension – all of which he’d initiated – I was being friendzoned… again.

Understandably, I lost my shit… I wasn’t eating and sleeping. I felt like shit all of the time and it was a struggle to just be alive for a while. I wasn’t okay.

Image credit: Giphy

I thought I’d had depressive episodes before but this shit was really, really bad.

Now you know how adamant I’d been to never, ever shit where I eat again after the Monroe fiasco five years before so naturally, when this happened, I asked Jet to give me the space to mourn what wasn’t.

Which is when he decided to reveal the monster that lies within.

The yelling should have been the tip off that Dr Jekyll was actually Mr Hyde.

After telling your aunt Anthea that he really respected me as a coworker,cared deeply about me as a good friend and had been taking his time getting to know me to see if this could have gone somewhere despite not wanting a relationship at work, he decided to ignore my fair request to give me some space and understand that I would be keeping my distance until I was over him.

Image credit: Giphy

Pissed off that I was giving him the cold shoulder, that I could barely look at his face or say more than the basic hello, Jet starting amping up the bad behaviour.

He’d try to include himself in conversations I was having with other co-workers and get up close in my personal space in the kitchen when we were alone, under the guise of getting his mug.

He’d take phone calls on balconies where I was sure to see him at lunch times. At a staff party, even though I hadn’t spoken to him all day, he got really close into my space, said hi, clinked his glass against mine and said a fake cheers. He spent the rest of the night watching me on the dance floor, being near to wherever I was and brooding in a corner when no one would speak to him.

His behaviour was unnecessarily cruel. He’d made his point about not liking me the way I liked him. I’d asked him for space and he’d ignored it. Was his male ego that fragile that me not continuing to moon over his very existence spurred him into hurting me even more?

For someone who only considered me a “dear friend”, he was sure acting like a possessive, obsessive almost-boyfriend.

I’ve never been one for loving or disengaging half-heartedly. I either love someone like they are the centre of my fucking universe ( I know, not healthy… I should be the centre,always) or I cut off all feelings and engagement so quickly, it’s like hell froze over.

Jet had become addicted to my attention, had lapped up every bit of my concern, my care, my adoration and was now having to go cold turkey without it. That shit hurt, I got it.

But I couldn’t keep hurting myself by being kind to him. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. My favourite Grey’s Anatomy quote came to mind:

Image credit: Giphy

I was a good person, for fuck’s sake … so why did this keep happening to me?!

How I Met Your Father: The One where I friend-zoned perfectly nice guys

Kids, as you know, I’ve had my fair share of always being the friend and never the girlfriend but, and I am ashamed of this, I have friend-zoned some perfectly nice guys over the years too.

I was so bad, I made what Daenerys did to Jorah look like mercy…

friend zoned
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1999 …

Zunaid was my be all and end all during that first blissful year of my teenage hood and needless to say, I only had puppy-love filled eyes for him but that did not stop other guys from crushing on me.

Imran and I had known each other since kindergarten and because he was a year younger than me, he was the kid brother I had never had.

A funny, sweet guy, Imran somehow didn’t seem to fit in with his own grade so he hung out with my click and quickly became one of us.

Initially, when he started making snide remarks about Zunaid, I put it down to him being super overprotective in a brotherly fashion.

It was only when Imran set fire to the school field one day while Zunaid and I were making out that I realised that my “little brother” and I needed to have a chat.

The heart-to-heart that followed is one that still haunts me…

When I explained to Imran that while I loved him, I didn’t love him the way he loved me, he turned those sad, honey brown eyes at me and said:

“I don’t want to be just your friend …”

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Imran eventually went on to date Lameez, one of my friends, but it killed me to see that sadness in his eyes every day …sigh.

2012 …

Thirteen years later, I was working at a tourism company and unexpectedly, my friend’s then-fiance Ted joined the team.

We’d hung out before, of course, in social settings and Ted and I were, if not completely chummy, at least well enough acquainted to have lunch together occasionally and chat up a storm on Skype.

Even when the company domestic made remarks about how I seemed to laugh too much and glow when Ted was around and he kept bringing me treats all the time, I still didn’t think there was anything more to our friendship that just that – being buddies, bros, amigos etc.

Then, a text message from my friend arrived out of the blue, to say that she really appreciated everything I did for her and Ted, telling me what a good friend I am to both of them and that she hears a lot about me from him.

Keep Calm he's yours
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Ok … weird, when I hadn’t heard from her in a while and extra suspicious because the tone of the text seemed to imply lines being drawn.

You guys know, though, that I am utterly clueless when it comes to guys hitting on me so if that is what Ted was doing during our work day, I wasn’t picking up on it and any way, he was my friend’s man – hoes before bros and all of that.

Fast forward a year later and both of them had disappeared out of my life like mist before the sun. It hurt me greatly but like all break-ups, I got over it and moved on until a few months later.

My friend reached out and invited me for lunch, where she explained she had dumped Ted and was getting married to someone else. No explanation as to why I had been iced out of their lives but seemingly willing to put whatever chilliness had arisen between us to rest.

By 2014, she was married with a kid and I was about to set off on my US trip when Ted reached out, to commiserate about the break-up and wanting to meet for “coffee” or dinner.

Again, my intentions were completely friendly and anyway, I was head over heels for Monroe at the time so yeah, a dinner with an old friend sounded like fun.

Said dinner turned into an awkward group hangout with your Uncle Tendai, which included a ghost tour hunt (sorry T!) and one where I realised that maybe, just maybe there was more to Ted’s reconnection request than meets the eye.

A month later, Ted contacted me on the day I discovered Monroe had friend-zoned me (the audacity!) and I was feeling emotionally vulnerable.

I figured we were still just friends so I told him about my heart-break and bless his poor kind heart, assured me that Monroe, the jerk, didn’t know what he was missing out on.

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A lot was still left unsaid and it’s something I’ll always regret …I’m sorry, Ted, I’m really sorry!

As the search for your father continued, I vowed to friend zone guys as little as possible – after all, aren’t the best relationships born out of friendships?  😉