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Top 10 Survival Tips for Single Gals Valentine’s Day

By The Jax Blog

@thejaxblog

So it’s that time of year again and you find yourself Bridget Jonesing through life, do you stay at home and hide or do you celebrate?

Film Title: BRIDGET JONES : THE EDGE OF REASON.

As tempting as it is to stalk your crush’s profile for the umpteenth time…don’t do it for the love of your own sanity. You know that he knows that you’ve been watching. So put down the ice cream and step away from the computer or close the app on your phone. There is only one option for us single gals and that is to throw yourself a Big, Phat Party and celebrate! How? You ask. Here are my Top 10 survival tips for single gals on Valentine’s Day:

1. 50 Shades Darker – oh come on now let’s not be coy you’ve read all 3 books so go grab a group of your nearest and dearest gal pals and go watch the damn movie!

2. How about a good old fashion book club (*wink*wink*)? Discuss the 50 shades book with your girls whilst imbibing copious amounts of bubbly and discussing at great lengths why piercing blue eyed Ian Somerhalder was not cast as Mr Grey.

Image credit: www.pinterest.com
Image credit: http://www.pinterest.com

3. You know those 2 for one happy hour specials? Now you can have BOTH 🙂 Get your Carrie on! Yay you! (please don’t drive if you choose this option)

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4. How about a Movie Marathon? Jacob and Edward vs Carrie Bradshaw ? Take your pick…or why not watch both…?

5. You know that ridiculous amount of money you would’ve blown on a romantic weekend away for two? How about that awesome pair of Manolos that you have been eyeing since well before christmas? Go BUY those damn HEELS!

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6. Hop on to The Entertainer App and find a great spa deal for you and your BFF…or take the whole gaggle of girls. What could be more fun than being pampered with your friends?

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Image credit:  http://glamradar.com/beauty-treats-to-spoil-yourself-with-for-valentines-day

7. Travelstart has some great domestic local flights for only R499 one way, so perhaps you should still take that weekend away for yourself! Enjoy the Dolce far niente….’the sweetness of doing nothing’ on your own weekend Eat, Pray, Love.

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8. How about spending some time with your loved ones? Prepare a nice home cooked meal for your family, crack open that bottle you’ve been saving and share some good laughs.

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Image credit: http://gigabiting.com/inside-the-staff-meal/

9. Do something you’ve always wanted to do. That chocolate truffle making course? Abseiling off of Table Mountain (not me) ? Learning how to surf (maybe)… cute instructor included 😉 #Justsaying

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10. Last but not least, most importantly, is make time for you. Don’t get so swept up in the day’s activities that you forget the greatest love of all is self love. Take time to nurture that with perhaps a quiet stroll on the beach to gather your thoughts. Or pen your thoughts in a journal. Create a Vision board of your goals, dreams and desires of where you see yourself in the next few years. Don’t be so hung up on not having a romantic partner that you lose sight of the most important person in your life……YOU!

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There you have it ladies, whether you’re a Carrie or a Bridget wishing you a fantastic Valentine’s Day filled with Love!

How I Met Your Father: Cape Town’s Bridget Jones in New York

“Oh my Gawd! I thought the restroom was empty …Sorry!”

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Image credit:www.reactiongifs.com

Kids, this is what a gorgeous, blonde American yelled at me as I stood, pants around my ankles in the middle of trying to close the damn unisex loo door at Applebee’s in New York

I had, quite stupidly in my haste to relieve myself, neglected to lock the toilet door properly and been caught sans pants (and undies!).

Sigh…

I may well have been finding my feet as a free-spirited solo traveller but obviously my Bridget Jonesesque tendencies had followed me from Cape Town. This was as bad as that time I flashed people at Beta Beach!

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Image credit: http://www.someecards.com

I was absolutely mortified for a split second, thinking that I had now further endorsed Americans ‘views on African citizens being uncouth. Then I realised, well f*** it, at least one other person had seen my fabulous ass in the Big Apple, and that’s ok with me.

Next!

How I Met Your Father: Doing the wrong thing is the right thing to do

Hey  Fazie’s kids, it’s your Uncle Tendai here and I’ve got some advice for ya…

There comes a time when you take the leap of faith and you go into a situation head first without thinking. Emotions are the worst! They take over and you find yourself doing things you thought you would never do. Oddly enough, it’s a good thing! So my advice to you – take the leap! Stop over thinking and just do it.

Right Versus Wrong
Image credit: http://www.handlingrelationshipissues.com

Last time I was here (eons ago) I wrote about how doing the wrong thing is the right thing to do. Yup! That still applies. I did the wrong thing and it was the right thing to do. It’s a weird concept but work with me here. Take the worst/best decision you’ve ever made in a situation of a relationship – building them up, lying, telling them the truth to the point that it hurts, etc. It was the wrong thing to do but at the end of it, it was the right thing to do. Wrong because you’ve wronged the person, but right because it shows how you truly felt. Your true emotions and intentions were shown when you made the selfish decision.

I did the wrong thing (again) but it was the right thing to do. A part of me says there was a better way (which is true) but at that point in time, I didn’t see it that way. So I made the call! I hurt her in ways that are insanely crazy. Hold up! I’m not saying hurting her was wrong and right. Not that at all! I had failed in a lot of things. Failed! And that’s what hurts – I fucked up the vision. And as I write this, I really wish I hadn’t fucked up the vision because it was a fucking bad ass vision.

I digress, I hurt her and I apologized for it. I fucked up the vision and it killed me. Ever since my selfish decision that I wish I could reverse, I have been catching L’s like the 76ers 28 game losing streak. Ya, the L’s keep rolling in. But I’ve been getting a couple of wins. An L turned into a massive win and I’m grateful that it has turned into a W. I feel good, I believe again and I’m feeling better than I was a month ago. I did the wrong thing but it was the right thing to do because I’m sure she’s doing well, if not better. She’s extremely strong and if you need someone to carry your weight, I recommend her. I can go on and on as to how strong she is but I can’t. Not today! It needs a sit down.

Why it was the right thing to do – I broke up with her. There was no need for her to go through another second of the pain I had caused. It was wrong because there was a better way, but it was right. Why do we go back after we break up with you? We thought we could handle a life without you. Not when it’s one of your longest friends. You can live without the relationship but you cannot live without the friendship.

Doing the wrong thing is the right thing to do. I still stand by that. It applies to the good that you do. Don’t dwell too much on the bad. It ain’t like that at all. The wrong thing to do could be focusing on her career and neglecting your own (which was the right thing). The wrong thing to do could be turning your 11 year friendship into a relationship (which was the right thing). The wrong thing to do could be…

Losing her!

How I Met Your Father: The Oversharer 2

Kids, coming back from New York in January 2017 was a hard and difficult task but I was determined to live each day of the New Year with brazen boldness and that principle needed to be applied to my dating life too.

So, and it was with great reluctance, I dived back into the online dating scene

Only to meet WarAngel03 on OkCupid, who seemed to check out okay, from his profile. Like books,though, never judge a man by his online profile.

The conversation started out with the usual small talk – where we’re from, what we’re up to etc- when , of course he wanted to move onto WhatsApp.

Now, as I have mentioned before, I wasn’t keen on moving to a more personal platform immediately if the guy in question wasn’t a stimulating conversationalist or was going to bother me at all hours of the day with senseless texts. I had a sixth sense this dude was going to be one of the latter and I was in no mood for it.

But, I had promised myself and my poor, long-suffering mother, I wasn’t going to be mean or offhand with guys in 2017, so I playfully asked WarAngel03 to tell me more about himself and why he was worthy of getting my digits.

Sigh…

Here is what he responded with:

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Needy much? I didn’t have time for a repeat of Mr Overeager 2 . Sweet as he seemed, this oversharing did not make for an attractive match. I mean, come on, do I fucking look like Dr Phil to you??!

As Friends’Chandler would say:

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Image credit:  www.themidnightalliance.files.wordpress.com

Fuck it… NEXT!

How I Met Your Father : The One where I can’t say goodbye to New York

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“Say you’ll share with me one love,one lifetime /Say the word and I will follow you”

Kids,as my solo trip to New York came to an end in early January 2017, I was no where near ready to say goodbye to the Big Apple.

More importantly,  I wasn’t ready to take my leave of the person I was there – a confident,  free-spirited traveller who wasn’t afraid to take on new and amazing adventures or experiences.

The girl you see in the picture above is radiant with satisifaction; has a lust for life and most importantly, she is happy …

Happy,guys, honest-to-the-gods happy – the black moods that sometimes dominated my Capetonian nights and days;the insecurities that overwhelmed me at home didn’t exist in New York.

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And while I know I was living in a bubble because life isn’t all subway rides and walks in Central Park; I wasn’t in a hurry to get back to the Mother City to be the awkward singleton who doesn’t get invited to her godchildren’s birthday parties because her status makes the other guests uncomfortable.

In New York, I grabbed opportunities to be the centre of attention by the balls (including being the fake VIP guest on an NBC Tour show):

In Cape Town, I was so used to being second or last choice,  I didn’t even bother volunteering for shit at all.

In New York, I rode the subway often and only got lost a few times -in Cape Town, the train was a last-minute,I’m fucked and I need transport resort:

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I fit in New York – for the first time,it felt like I fit my surroundings.In Cape Town, I was always a beat or two behind everyone else -people who had their shit together; people who shared the same sense of humour and the same boring plan for life; people who effoetlessly met their spouses/co-parents/lovers/partners and lived the picket white fence lifestyle. I couldn’t catch-up and I was tired of trying.

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Happy New Year from New York!

I wanted to stay in New York where I belonged,Kids …

But all good things must come to an end and,though I had to leave , I made a promise to myself (and one that would set me on the path to meeting your father and finally having you!) : I’d live every day of 2017 as fearlessly and passionately as if I were in New York!

How I Met Your Father: CT Girl in New York

 

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Image credit: http://www.pinterest.com

Kids, in 2016, New York City was stalking me like my all-time favourite musical character, The Phantom of the Opera…

“In sleep he sang to me
In dreams he came
That voice which calls to me and speaks my name “

Yes, yes, I know, being in love with a dark, mysterious man and hoping he’ll  lure  me to his underground lair indicates a seriously weird view of love but I was six when I fell in love with the Phantom, ok? You can’t undo a lifelong passion for Erik ( not coincidentally the name of my other forbidden love Alexander Skarsgard‘s character in True Blood!)  …

I digress…

As I toiled through a seriously f***ked up year with my dying grandfather, losing friends and general adulting f***ery, the Big Apple was appearing in my dreams on a regular basis – showing me visions of hosting my baby shower in a hipster-styled warehouse in downtown Manhattan, with the Backstreet Boys performing as special guests ( don’t ask!) and walking beneath Brooklyn Bridge with that jackass.

I didn’t have to be a shrink or a psychic to figure out that my dreams were wish-fulfillment, fantasies of wanting to escape my current situation and longing to have you but damn, did New York look enticing in my slumber!

In September of 2016, I unexpectedly received an invitation to accompany a friend and her family to the Big Apple for Christmas and I was totally floored – my secret wish to return to the concrete jungle was coming true… OMG!

Three months of planning and making arrangements for my daily life followed and by the first week of December, I was SO excited, I couldn’t wait to jet off to my dream city.

Alas…

My travelling companion cancelled at the last minute due to unforeseen circumstances and it devastated me. I felt like the same rejected kid I had been my entire life – always chosen last by friends, family, colleagues for everything.

It totally threw my life balance out of whack and I turned into this scared Moaning Myrtle who was suddenly too afraid to travel solo …who was this insecure person and what had happened to the fearless adventurer I had been before?!

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Image credit: http://www.ceylonguidance.com

After a few days of indecision and agonizing, I decided f*** it, I was still travelling to New York City … I was stronger and braver than I knew, I could do this.

Solo travel had always helped me discover myself before and helped me fall back in love with the independent, free-spirit I knew myself to be.

After a year of putting my family’s needs, my clients’projects and my friends’dreams before my own, I needed a time-out to just be me – to break out of the constraints I’d put on myself, to live, to breathe, to be me.

And that, Kids, is how I re-met New York.

Follow my Big Apple adventures on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook from Thursday 22 December, 2016 to Tuesday 3 January, 2017!

How I Met Your Father: The one with the hot guy on the plane

“Good Morning, Sleeping Beauty! Was that as good for you as it was for me?” he asked, with a smirk.

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Image credit: http://www.pinterest.com

Kids, this was the line I woke up to on a plane in Istanbul in November 2010, from the gorgeous guy whose personal space I had totally invaded during the long haul flight from Johannesburg.

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To say I was mortified is an understatement!

Not only had I acquired a seat mate I had NO recollection of meeting, but apparently I’d been drooling all night on his very hunky shoulder. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he was now staring into my flight seat bed head and wrinkled face… NOOOO!!!!

Ir’s not fair that these embarassing things kept happening to me, dammit!

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Image credit: http://www.giphy.com

Definitely zero chance of me joining the mile high club then! Oh, just stop it with your “TMI, MOM!” nonsense!

As I prepared to jet off for my fourth international trip in 2016, I couldn’t help reflecting back on my guy on the plane and giggle. So many embarrassing but fun things happen when you have the courage to travel solo 😉

C’est la vie!

How I Met Your Father: the one where I banished He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named from my life and heart

Kids, in the Spring of 2016, I felt a lot like Kate Winslet’s Iris in one of my all-time favourite movies, The Holiday …I was once again hurting like someone had tortured me for hours in the pits of Hell because the object of my unrequited love had been a complete and utter f***er!

See, after years of knowing me and after I had sent him a personal, secret birthday message on his special day, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named neglected to wish me on mine.

“Mom, you can’t expect everyone to remember your birthday every year!”, I hear you say, but, my loves, this is the same self-centred jackass who regularly stalked my social media feeds, liked posts and shared them and could quote things I’d said or done which he shouldn’t know about, on a regular basis.

And that was besides the stalking -in-person; standing on corners of streets watching me or sneaking up behind me at events and getting so far up into my personal space, it was indecent;that he did too.

I was hurt AF but still, wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt until…

We ran into each other at an event a few days later where, not only did he brush my birthday and his non-wishes aside, he couldn’t be arsed to congratulate me on a big career achievement properly and was quite mean about it too.

As he stood there, droning on about some unimportant thing, trying to engage me in conversation, I saw him clearly for the first time in a very, very long time.

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Image credit: http://www.Hycaeit.com

Underneath the gorgeous face I had devoured with my eyes a million times over the years, aching to run my fingers over his handsome features, lied the true face of a narcissistic, cruel, sadistic jackass who knowingly and willing toyed with my heart and emotions for his own f***ed up pleasure.

My heart broke a little, thinking that it couldn’t be possible that someone I loved and cared for so deeply could be so incredibly cruel…not after I had spent so long, and especially the past year, supporting him, praising him and making him feel good.

In the past, if I so much as said a bad word to him, I couldn’t stand the hurt look on his face and I’d want to fix it immediately. So, how, HOW could he inflict pain on me so carelessly?!

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Image credit: http://www.giphy.com

When silence crept up on us this time, it wasn’t because we were lost in the bubble of each other – it’s because I had nothing to say to someone who was only looking for a fan club and was stealing my joy.

For years, I’d been going around thinking and telling friends how amazing he was, how talented, how sweet, how special … but actually, I was all of those things and he was denying me the right to be them.

I could tell that he knew the exact moment I fell out of love with him  completely… he could see it in my eyes and the way he wasn’t having an effect on me as he’d had before.

Like Iris in The Holiday, I was miraculously cured:

Heartbreak and surviving it was by no means easy but as your aunt Lutfia often said to me, it takes a certain amount of bravery to fall in and out love with someone who doesn’t reciprocate and realise that you deserve so much more.

F*** it, NEXT!

How I Met Your Father: Reflections on 20 years without my Dad

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“I hear babies crying, I watch them grow

They’ll learn much more than I’ll never know

And I think to myself what a wonderful world

Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world” – Louis Armstrong

Kids, I really hate the date 23 November. It’s the date in 2015 when we were told your great-grandfather was dying and it’s the date in 1996 when we lost your grandfather, my Dad, to a violent and senseless crime.

That this date is exactly a week after my birthday on 16 November, is something I have been haunted by for decades. It seems like a lifetime ago when one week my family and friends were gathered around one table celebrating my birth and the next, those same people were crying around a body.

It’s why I make a huge fuss about my birthday each year – I need to be surrounded by love and happiness because the next week, I won’t be.

On the 23rd,   I withdraw from everything and everyone and I don’t usually talk about my Dad because even after all this time, the loss of him is equally painful and liberating. I know you won’t understand that, because you’ve never met him but Dad and I had a complex relationship. We still do.

It sounds clichéd, having Daddy issues, but my father was a force like no other. Fun-loving, daring, loving, passionate, creative and my all-time hero; Faizel Williams also had a very dark, frightening side I was often exposed to. I loved both parts of him in equal measures but I would be lying if I said it didn’t have an effect on how I engage with people, especially men, as an adult.

Eleven is a really young age to have to deal with grief – hell, your aunt Sam was eight – and a loss like that leaves an undeniable mark on your psyche, your soul and your heart.

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The Williams Four in 1988

Over the years, I’ve become accustomed to not having my Dad around for the big things – matric dances, first crushes, first boyfriends, first job, my graduations, my driver’s licence test, my first international trip, my wedding and your births.

It’s the small things, though, that still trip me up – I want to be able to call him when I am sad or mad or hungry; get a big bear hug when I need it or dance in the middle of a busy road because our favourite song is playing.

I ache for a missing parent but I count my lucky stars for the one who is still around. Your Nan Soraya, though, Kids, is unbelievably incredible. She’s been there for all of the big moments and every little one in between and she did it all on her own. Sam and I are so incredibly lucky to have such a Supermom!

On 23 November, 2016, Your Nan, Aunt Sam and I remembered your grandfather on his 20th death anniversary with one of his favourite songs:

We love you, Daddy, always xx

 

How I Met Your Father: the one where I have no game with hot guys

Kids, I am exceptionally good at flirting with anything that moves when it comes to getting something I really, really want – like chocolate, another helping of dessert and a discount on my travel bookings.

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Image credit: http://www.quickmeme.com

When it comes to chatting up the opposite sex, though, I have no game. As in nada, zero, NOTHING!

I have you told about how I didn’t know when guys were hitting on me but let me share the embarrassing tale of not having any game at all.

November 2016 …

It was a hot, gorgeous day at the mountain and I was waiting for my 12pm appointment. I figured it would be a routine tour of my company’s operations and I would be done with it but man, alive, was I in for a nice, good-looking surprise!

The minute I laid eyes on Wes in the reception area my tummy did a funny somersault and I started having all kinds of inappropriate fantasies.

Blonde, blue-eyed with a slight Goth vibe and extremely cute dimples, Wes was my type to a damn T and I hadn’t had that kind of reaction to a guy in a LONG time.

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Image credit: http://www.tumblr.com

Which is exactly when my inner Bridget Jones persona decided to rear her clumsy head…. F***!

I got so flustered by how hot Wes was, I managed to walk into a door, knock into an open gate, drop my phone and blush so profusely, I looked like a dragon had scorched me – all in the space of 10 minutes.

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Image credit: http://www.giphy.com

Earth, swallow me whole!

The fact that he seemed to be bemused by my blunderings did not alleviate my embarrassment. I finally let the poor guy off the hook by leading him to a cable car and agreeing to catch-up on email before our next visit, where I would hopefully be much more composed.

Yeah, right, have you met me?????