Tag Archives: featured

How I Met Your Father: the one with the open letter to my future daughter

August 2019:

Sweet Child of Mine…

… And no, that is NOT an invitation for you to follow your spirit sister‘s dreams of becoming a skilled performer who dances for rich,handsome men on poles to this song:

As we approached National Women’s Day in 2019, I started thinking about just how much I love you and you don’t even exist yet.

I think about everything I want to teach you, to learn from you, to experience with you for the first time and over and over again. I think about how lovely you’ll be, how utterly unique and how strong you’ll be. I worry about the challenges you’ll face but I know that you will be brave enough to overcome them. I cannot wait to see your endless smiles and wipe away your tears.

Being a woman in South Africa and in the world in my current time is far from easy – in some countries, women’s rights have regressed so much, I fear for my fellow sisters. I know it might hardly have changed in your time but I hope it will be slightly easier.

I could carry on and on about this but I’ll let this TEDX video explain more:

You are blessed, you are wise and you are loved, my daughter.

Love,

Your Mom

How I Met Your Father: the one where we appreciate your nan

Kids, in the winter of 2019, your Nan was facing a potential huge health crisis and while I knew I could and would support her as I had through two heart attacks, a stroke and bell’s palsy, I also wanted to take the time to appreciate her.

Your Nan is an amazing warrior!

She’s a tough one, your Nan. She survived an overprotective and religious fanatic father, an abusive marriage, a premature baby, young widowhood, raised two headstrong daughters ( including your rebellious, short-tempered, creative mother), supplemented her nursing degree with post-grad courses, retired, changed careers, returned to nursing and had recently sold her home of 25 years to move into a seaside apartment.

We’d had our differences over the years, mostly because we are alike in so many ways but the one thing that remained unchanged was that no matter how often we fought, we were there for each other when it mattered.

And this health crisis mattered.

Life, Kids, hits you with unexpected curve balls but trust me when I say this: where there is love and family, there is hope and you can and will get through anything.

How I Met Your Father: the one with the unsolicited TEENAGE love advice

Kids, in the winter of 2019, your Spirit Mom Leo and I took your god-brother and god-sister Kris and Heidi on a magical night out to watch Disney on Ice at the GrandWest Casino’s Grand Arena.

Despite initially protesting that the show was for children, your moody teenage god siblings ended up singing along to most of the songs and actually enjoying themselves.

Image caption: it’s Disney on Ice night out for House Wyrd!

During the post- how supper and ride home, though, is where the real magic happened as Kris and Heidi (mostly Heidi, who has been ragging my ass about the dire state of my dating life since she was nine-years-old) proceeded to serve up some hot, unsolicited teenage love advice.

Image credit: giphy

“Fazi, you really should try online dating. It is where all of the cool kids are. Double check those profile photos, though, ’cause they are dodgy” – Heidi

“Fazi, aren’t you too old to have kids? Forty is old!” – Kris (note to reader: I was NOT 40).

“Fazi, maybe you should consider being someone’s side chick. I mean, my YouTube crush is nine years older than me and when I am 18, I am going to be his side chick” – Heidi

Ok, so my Spirit Children still had LOADS of growing up to do before I would take their advice or let them babysit you but I know their quirky little teen hearts meant well.

Image caption: Meet the godkids!

With Kris and Heidi by my side, your future father was going to have his work cut out for him, trying to pursue me πŸ˜‰

How I Met Your Father: The One With The Inappropriate man comment

Kids, in June 2019, the married jackass co-worker was at it again – being an allround, inappropriate doos and I was sick of it!

I’d come back from an offsite meeting and was frantically typing away at my desk when Mr Asshole makes some wisecrack about stripping the boards in the shop.

“No, Fazielah, not stripping like that!”

Seriously, all that was missing from this sleazy throwaway line was this:

Image credit: Giphy

Firstly, as mentioned I wasn’t even looking at him or being a part of his conversation with Anthea, my work BFF and secondly:

I kept my resting bitch face in place and ignored him while he asked Anthea if he was seriously not even going to get a smile out of me.

No, Jackass, inappropriate commentary will not be rewarded with smiles.

Anthea left and as Doos 1 walked up the staircase, Jet came running down it, dazzling me with a gorgeous smile and “Hey!”

Naturally, because Jet’s smiles made me go all weak at the knees, I smiled shyly (ok, read that as awkward AF) back at him:

Image credit: Giphy

Mr Jackass, seeing my reaction to Jet, angrily turns around and goes:

“What the hell was that, Fazielah?! Why does he get a smile from you and I don’t?!”

I didn’t have the time to explain the simplicity of the fact that Jet being single plus me being single = us being free to smile with each other whenever the actual f*** we please and also it had F*** ALL to do with Doos 1 since he is a married man, who has no right to get mad at me.

Image credit: Dorkly

Me: “I am not going to dignify that with a response”

Asshole Supreme marched off behind Jet to ask Anthea why he was getting the cold shoulder from me but Jet wasn’t and I laughed out loud.

The entitlement of some men .,,

How I Met Your Father: the one where I wished friends would stop giving me hope

Kids, by June 2019, the flirtation with Jet was at an impasse.

We’d moved beyond the shy greetings and gentle teasing at the office with plenty of interaction at our recent company staff party. We’d been seen together so often and there were videos of the night’s events where he was caught on camera staring at me, people were constantly asking him if we were a couple.

Which is exactly where our problems began. Jet was apparently SO uncomfortable with all of the goodnatured teasing from our co-workers, he’d start ghosting me (in f***ing person no less!) at the office for a few days each week.

What the actual f***, man?!

If you guys can recall, until roughly seven months prior, I’d barely known Jet existed, let alone that he liked me. Now, when I was finally catching feelings too, Brother Man was getting cold feet and running for the f***ing hills.

He would ignore me during the day but deep like my old Instagram posts at 1am. Are you f***ing kidding me, Boy?!

Listen, to quote my favourite:

Our mutual friends still held out hope for a romantic ending because Jet was always either asking them to help him keep up to date with Game of Thrones so he could talk to me about it, demanding to know what they had done with “his Fazielah” when I was out of the office or pausing on the stairway above my desk until I was forced to look up at him and say Hi.

I, to be quite f***ing honest, was feeling my inner Avengers Ronin on this:


Hope,Kids, would be the death of me…

I deserved far f***ing better than being a 26-year-old’s maybe. I was a “I knew I wanted her from the moment I saw her” kinda girl.

F*** IT! NEXT!

How I Met Your Father: the One Where I Restart My Fitness Journey

Kids, as you know, in early 2019, I’d sprained my ankle yet again, thus setting back my fitness journey once more.

After one of those nasty AF Discovery Wellness days in May, I realised that if I had any hope in hell of giving you guys a healthy mom, it was time to get back on the proverbial fitness horse, no matter how difficult it seemed:

Thus began my long farewell to Netflix and Chill sessions for one with my trusty box of Oreos, chocolate and Amarula and hello Promenade Mondays, Zumba Wednesdays and the occassional fun runs like the 10km Spar Women’s Challenge event:

I hadn’t completed a 10km race since after your great-grandpa’s passing in 2016 and my disasterous Bridget Jones’s ankle-interruptus date in 2017 so this was a big deal.

My issues with the organisation of the event aside, I managed to complete the walk in two hours:

Being healthy and fit was a priority and I was willing to go all in, just for you, my loves.

To the next fitness event!

How I Met Your Father: the one where I discovered the art of just being myself

Kids, in 2019, at the age of nearly 33 and a half, I was finally discovering the art of just being my f***ing self and it was beautiful.

From living my best Game of Thrones cosplaying life at FanCon Cape Town:

…to indulging my inner child at adult colouring-in Meet-Ups:

It had taken me more than three decades but I was finally able to just feel myself and be comforable in my own skin:

Image credit: Giphy

And everyone, from Jet, my lingering office crush, to my friends and family were feeling my me-ness too. From eagerly wanting to attending comic cons with me to tagging me in every Game of Thrones post ever and sending me sweet treats, celebrating my Wyrdness:

I was loved for me … more importantly, I loved me for me.

Your Dad had no freaking clue how lucky he was about to get by meeting me!

How I Met Your Father: The One with The Bumble Stumbler

Kids, in the Autumn of 2019 I had promised your Spirit Mom Leo that I would get my beautiful ass off of Tinder and focus on IRL (in real life) dating.

But…

What I didn’t tell her was that I was still on Bumble. I know:

Image credit: Giphy

I knew she was going to kick my ass when she read this post . Literally – she was earning all of her belts in karate at this very moment in time, so :

Image credit: Tenor

So, it’s entirely likely I wasn’t going to gain any sympathy for what happened next…

Bumble Stumbler the short story:

Sean, an American engineer with a passion for travelling, and I swiped right on each other and he quickly caught me up on what a busy weekend he’d had with a friend’s wedding, going on a safari and hanging out with friends. Not that he bothered to ask me what I’d been up to… men, such selfish creatures!

Ignoring the red flags, I went onto ask him what his must-see Cape Town bucket list items were. He launched into a detailed itinerary of his visit to the Kruger National Park, his week in Hermanus and Greyton and how, almost on his way to Namibia, he decided to rent an AirBnB and stay in Mouille Point.

Me, trying to pretend like I’m totally fascinated by what an amazing traveller and storyteller he is:

Eventually,Sean hit me with the” So,if you were interested in a face to face meet with me halfway between you and I, when and where would that be?”

Me, thinking a casual meet-up couldn’t hurt: “Well, I run along the Promenade quite often and there are pleny of cool places around there. I’m free Saturday afternoon, if you are?”

Now, I don’t know what the fuck it is with guys, but the minute you call them out on their bluff and show interest in them too, they do shit like this:

“i really don’t know if I will be … I am at if you come to a fork in the road, take it status right now.”

I looked at my screen and went:

Correct me if I’m wrong here, but this motherfucker had asked me to meet up, right? Why the fuck was he now giving even poor Yoda a fucking headache with his estoric bullshit?!

Boy…

Doofus Deluxe’s explanation:

“I have no plan, and if something comes up, I may do that…Conflicted about going to Namibia or just exploring here, is all I’m saying.”

Listen…

Fuck it …NEXT!

How I Met Your Father: The One with the FINAL Game of Thrones premiere EVER!

Kids, the night was dark and full of unexpected pleasures as your Spirit Mom Leonie and I made our way to M-Net’s final Game of Thrones premiere, held at Nu Metro Canal Walk on Monday 15 April 2019.

While Leo frightened the hell out of Capetonian streetwalkers and petrol garage attendants, dressed incredibly as the Night Queen; I paid homage to the Mother of Dragons’ s winter look:

A quick trip to our local Franky’s diner – a pre-Game of Thrones screening tradition for us since 2015 – was a must:

Bar a misunderstanding with the mall security about us gaining entrance to the parking …

and us threatening to go all Mad King on them:

Image credit: Tenor

…we finally arrived at the Long Night event we’d been waiting nearly two years for:

Walking the red carpet, posing for photos, laying some Game of Thrones home truths to eager journos made for a busy pre-screening morning:

Johnnie Walker was on hand to soothe ruffled nerves with their special Game of Thrones White Walker drink,a cool AF bar and Instagram photo spot:

The breakfast spread was a feast that the Starks would be proud of:

and definitely one that our Night Queen was keen on too:

As the media coverage continued, with even a front page feature, and we were totally blown away by the first episode, we basked in the afterglow of a Long Night to remember:

A HUGE thank you to Queen Portia of House M-Net for the invitation to the final Game of Thrones premiere. It is a memory that House Wyrd will treasure always!

How I Met Your Father: The Game of Thrones farewell cosplay tour begins

Kids, as you well know, your godparents and I were SUPER Game of Thrones fans, and as the premiere of the final season EVER dawned, Leo, Tendai and I were up for just about ANYTHING to celebrate.

Hence, entering an OMG Game of Thrones pub quiz at the Jack Black’s Taproom in Diep River, Cape Town.

With the aid of four of our fellow GOT experts and Lords and Ladies, a binge rewatch of the entire previous seven seasons of the show, some light online quiz taking and plenty of Entertainment Weekly post reading, House Wyrd crushed the opposition in a nail-biting, Tyrion-style drinking sudden death round of the quiz:

Tougher than the Battle of The Bastards, as brutal as Oberyn’s headcrushing by The Mountain and as bloody as Ramsay being eaten alive by his dogs… the pub quiz was vicious but House Wyrd prevailed!

Adding to our excitement over our win, Leo and I received an invitation from media giant MNET to attend the eighth and final Game of Thrones screening at Nu Metro Canal Walk…and that, my dear Summer Children, is a winter tale for next time.

#GameofThrones cosplaying is coming!