How I Met Your Father: the one with the bumble fail

Kids, in December 2019, I was out in the streets of Cape Town and online, dating up a storm. Granted, I’d lowered my guard a bit, in an attempt to get over my depression and have the best summer EVER before you guys happened. Which leads me to my next big Bumble failure. Having decided […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one with the cute dog and hot topless neighbour

Kids, it was Friday the 13th and I was about to get unexpectedly lucky… Far from meeting my untimely death with this dude: … I’d wandered down the back staircase of my apartment building because thanks to the ever reliable Eskom, load shedding had hit and our gates were not working. As I wandered down, […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one where I went on a cruise to unf*** myself

Kids, shortly after my 34th birthday, which had been an extravaganza of love and celebrations with all of my favourite people ( besides and before you!), I was about to embark on my very first cruise ship vacation. See, life had been pretty shitty, mostly because Jet was still being an entitled asshole whose fucktard […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one with the unsolicited TEENAGE love advice

Kids, in the winter of 2019, your Spirit Mom Leo and I took your god-brother and god-sister Kris and Heidi on a magical night out to watch Disney on Ice at the GrandWest Casino’s Grand Arena. Despite initially protesting that the show was for children, your moody teenage god siblings ended up singing along to […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one where I wished friends would stop giving me hope

Kids, by June 2019, the flirtation with Jet was at an impasse. We’d moved beyond the shy greetings and gentle teasing at the office with plenty of interaction at our recent company staff party. We’d been seen together so often and there were videos of the night’s events where he was caught on camera staring […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one where I spilt my tea for a man

Kids, I was feeling Jet hard… and although I tried to believe Jennifer Paige when she said it was just a little : … it didn’t help that he was obviously feeling the same way. I mean the guy was calling me his girlfriend to coworkers; eagerly greeting me morning, noon and night; playing the […]

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How I Met Your Father: 3 dating resolutions for 2019

Kids, in January 2019, I was about 13 months away from having you and I realised that while 2018 had been a year of learning and growing dating-wise, I had no time to f*** around anymore and I had to get serious about finding your Dad. I knew he wasn’t going to just drop out […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one where I have no game PT2

Kids, as we have previously established, your mama has no game with the opposite sex. In 2018, I am sad to say, things had not changed. For all my protests about not shitting where you eat, I found myself with a workplace crush. It had all started innocently enough… Jet would borrow a pen from […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one with the needy Italian

needy men

Kids, sometimes when my ego was bruised by a date, like when the Boston man child walked out on me, I would seek validation by running into the arms of another unsuitable candidate… such was the case with the Needy Italian. August 2018… Mike had literally just walked out of the door when your aunties […]

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