Tag Archives: cheating guys

How I Met Your Father: The shady neighbour DM slider

Kids,I’ve found over the long, LONG course of my singlehood that people (i.e. wives and girlfriends) assume that single women are so desperate, they are hitting on guys,especially attached ones, constantly.

Oh hell no!

More often than not, we’re batting these desperate men away with holy water and a cross:

tenor
Image credit: Tenor

Case in point: my shady AF neighbour, Sean.

2014…

I was struggling to get my cranky car Mr Winchester to start just outside of my apartment building in Vredehoek when Sean leaned out of his window to yell his “helpful” advice (something about turning the key again… what do I know about cars?!) at me.

I ignored him and eventually got the car started.

2015…

There I was minding my own goddamn business on the MyCiTi bus when Sean plonked himself down next to me, interrupting my very serious Crossfire erotica reading to “introduce” himself.

Him, in that way that coloured men think is hot but SO isn’t: “Do you remember me? I helped you with your car last year. I’m Sean”

Me, rolling my eyes because clearly my resting bitch face was not on point and my book didn’t seem to give this idiot a clue that I wanted to be left the f*** alone: “Vaguely… I’m Fazielah”

Awkward silence followed until he disembarked.

The following two years saw more of these awkward exchanges at the bus stop until he befriended me on Facebook.

2017…

Sean would see me around the building or out on a random Game shopping trip in the City Centre or spot a photo of me with friends on my timeline and like the crap out of said photo.

I’d talk to him when he talked to me but he was so far from my usual type, with his tracksuit pants, earrings in his ears, his Citi Golf. I mean, you guys know that I am a full on tall, blonde, blue-eyed man fan,right?!

revving engine
Image credit: Quickmeme

One night, following a classic display of a coloured man showing interest in a woman by revving his car’s engine at me ( Lord Jesus, WHY do they do this?!), Sean slid into my DMs with:

“You really looked beautiful tonight”

I entertained this shit for a while because a) I am beautiful and b) awww until…

He started posting photos of his girlfriend. Are you f***ing kidding me?!

ddt0spu

Dude, hitting on another woman when you are dating someone else is SHADY AF!

I ain’t nobody’s sidepiece or late night bootycall.

NO… absolutely NOT!

2018…

I had deleted his jerkass from my Facebook friend list and was going about my life as usual when…

The morning run-in happened on my way to a weekend away with your Nan, Aunt Sam and friends.

We said hi and I declined his offer to help me carry my bags to my Uber.

I kid you f***ing not, barely 30 minutes later I received this:

“You looked beautiful by the way”

Look, I am not opposed to receiving compliments from a man but when that man belongs to someone else and still insists on hitting on me, there’s a problem.

block facebook
Image credit: Someecards

It was time to find the block button because ain’t nobody got time for lying, cheating jackasses.