Category Archives: Cape Town Events

How I Met Your Father: online dating horror stories from my friends

Kids, it’s easy to assume that I’m being over-dramatic about my online dating horror stories …I’ll admit, I do have a talent for telling stories.

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Image credit: http://www.theodysseyonline.com

But…

When checking in with my female friends during 2018, I discovered that mine were not the only tales of the good, the bad and the downright ugly.

Here are two such cases…

Mr Run and Bang

Glo met *Kevin* on Tinder in March 2018 and they hit it off right away because they both had a passion for soccer,staying fit and wine.

A few flirty texts later and wanting to see if their rapport would carry over in real life, Glo invited Kevin along to join her on her usual Wednesday 5km run along the Sea Point Promenade.

Even though he was more of a Crossfit fanatic, he readily agreed to the date.

As Glo tells it, the run itself was great -Kevin was fun, friendly and interacted with her and her running group in a charming manner.

After the run was over, they bid their farewells and went their separate ways.

Later that night, he sent her a text, demanding to know why she hadn’t invited him back to her place for sex.

Wait…what?!

How did a first date, one that involved running with other people no less, imply that there would be sex at the end of it and why, in the holy f*** did this guy assume it would?

More importantly, did he just feign interest in her likes and over-eagerly agree to a running date because he expected to get laid after?

anthony hopkins
Image caption: imgflip

F***ing men!

Mr Sexpool

Same month, different jackass. A year after T had broken up with 40-year-old serial cheater. *Gerald* , and he’d subsequently hooked up with a 27-year-old, she got a call from a concerned “friend”, wanting to meet with her to discuss something disturbing about her cheating ex.

What he told her STILL makes my skin crawl…

Turns out that Gerald and his fellow 40-something year old friends were running a WhatsApp “”who can bang the youngest chick” betting pool, exchanging photos and sordid tales of their younger conquests.

What’s more, they then proudly displayed their catches for all to see on their fridges, like f***ing hunters!

Are you f***ing kidding me?!!!

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In this day and age and in Cape Town? How can something that sounds like the plot of a horrible 90s comedy actually be real?!

There was no hope for mankind… NONE!

How I Met Your Father: being care-free and bold during Cape Town’s festive season

Kids, in December 2017, I gave myself permission to be the care-free person I am when I travel in Cape Town.

The girl who…

  • does crazy things like jump up on stage at a karaoke bar and belts out Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive while cold stone sober ( because throat infection and antibiotics!):

To quote your godfather Leon: “Friend, I swear you’re more gay than I am!”

  • embraces her inner sunbathing babe with her best friends at her side:
beach babes
Sunbathing with my babes. Image credit: Ella Williams
  • successfully co-stalks not just one but TWO celebrities to help makes her magical sisters Leonie and Linesri’s fangirl dreams come true.

From holding my breath, waiting to see if a tweet and prayer would get Leo and I a seat at TJ Miller’s guest table (it did!) and rocking photographic wingwoman duties at the Cape Town Comedy Club…

leo TJ Miller

…to putting in a special meet and greet request for Lin with Jonathan Roxmouth at Evita the Musical:

We succeeded and brilliantly so:

2017 had been a crazy and often difficult year emotionally and physically but I was determined to live the last few days of it carefree and happy!

Bring it on, 2018!

How I Met Your Father: the one with the Zombie Walk Cape Town 2017

Kids, as you know Halloween is my absolute favourite holiday of the year… not least of all because it is when the undead rise in the Mother City for the annual Zombie Walk Cape Town event!

My zombie personality had been everything from a cheerleader to a nurse to a bride so what to go as in 2017? Well…

1990…

I was a precocious  five-year-old who a) was convinced that big school would be like an episode out of the Wonder Years and b) was determined to be a police woman.

Never mind the fact that this was pre-1994 South Africa and women, let alone women of colour, were not allowed to be officers of the law.

Your Grandpa, though, liked to encourage my big dreams and, in addition to getting me a toy cop police set with handcuffs and a baton, let me tag along on his early evening neighbourhood watch patrols. Man, were those exciting times!

Fast forward to 27 years later, and with a little help from your godfather Leon, and I was ready to embrace my inner Zombie Cop:

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My more-than-willing rocker zombie prisoner was your aunt Lee-Anne and damn, was she dead hot:

About to get our #ZombieWalkCT on😨🙌

A post shared by Fazielah Williams (@fazielahwilliams) on

Our Night of the Living Dead took us along through the Company’s Garden, along St George’s Mall, Thibault Square and to a party that would never end at Madison Avenue Cape Town.

Here are a few drop dead awesome posts of the Zombie Walk Cape Town 2017:

How I Met Your Father: the one where I wanted a man like Game of Thrones’s Tormund

Kids, as your Uncle T, Spirit Mom and I mourned the ending of the penultimate season of Game of Thrones, I came to a major Wilding-esque conclusion…

I wanted a man who looked at and talked about me the way big, rugged Tormund talked about the Lady Brienne of Tarth:

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I knew he was a fictional character ( and by far, one of the gods-be-damned best!) but I loved how unashamedly he adored her and wanted to make giant babies with her!

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Image credit: Igmur

Where, for the love of the Lord of Light, was my Wildling, desperate to father you?

You might think this was a weird thing to want, but men blurting out a line like this at the women in our family has worked before.

In fact, your Grandpa said it to your Nan in the 1980s:

Sigh…

Your father was out there, Kids… your impatient Mother of Dragons just had to keep the faith and wait for him.

Rally the realm: House Wyrd will bring Game of Thrones to Cape Town in 2019! News coming soon so join our Facebook fanpage or follow us on Twitter and Instagram for updates!

How I Met Your Father: the one where I suited up for #WonderWomanDay

Kids, with #WonderWomanDay being celebrated on Saturday 3 June, 2017, in honour of the ultimate female superhero’s 75 year anniversary and the release of her first live motion film, it was only a matter of time before I dusted off my Amazon Princess suit and took to the streets of Cape Town in it…

Ok, maybe not the streets – but definitely to Readers Den, my home away from home since age 5, for their Wonder Woman Day event:

There, I hung out with well-known cosplayer, Sascha Perdigao, who rocked the Bombshell Wonder Woman look:

After supporting my magical family at our sold-out shows at the Artscape Theatre that day, I joined your Auntie Bennii for our must-do live action Wonder Woman NuMetro VIP screening at Canal Walk.

I love that when I said I was attending the screening in my suit, your Auntie B didn’t hesitate to do the same:

Bennii and FazWw

Of course, it wouldn’t be a House of Wyrd night out  if we didn’t take to social media about it, right?

 

The lesson here, my beautiful babies, is to always surround yourself with amazing friends who love you for your weird, imaginative self…Blessed are the freaks and Wyrdos!

How I Met Your Father: House of Wyrd goes to #FanCon2017

Kids, as you know, your Spirit Mom, spirit siblings Kris and Heidi and I were major cosplayers and in 2017, we jumped at the chance to once again raise our House of Wyrd freak flag at FanCon: Cape Town Comic Con at the Cape Town International Convention Centre on Saturday 29 April, 2017.

This time round, I left the Wonder Woman costume at home while Kris absolutely rocked his Teddybear Tuxedo Minigun costume from the Fallout video game:

From superhero themed jewellery and glitter tattoos to endless geek memorabilia and opportunities to meet our favourite comic book authors, there was just SO much to see and do at FanCon.

Kris went nuts for all of the cool jewellery at the Treasure Box stand, picking up a really lifelike looking Horcrux, from the famed Harry Potter series, while we snagged a gorgeous Tardis print for Leo in the Art Alley:

tardis leo

Here are few of the awesome social media posts by fellow geeks of the event:

Batdad returns. #fancon2017

A post shared by David Maclennan (@dc_maclennan) on

There was obviously still time for at one House of Wyrd Iron Throne photo op:

@WonderWomanFilm takes the Iron Throne at #fancon2017 😍

A post shared by Fazielah Williams (@fazielahwilliams) on

 

How I Met Your Father :the one with #LoveAtFirstBite at Dunkin Donuts

Kids, on Valentine’s Day in 2017, I found #LoveAtFirstBite with Dunkin Donuts…

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Ok, fine, I fell in love with their quirky heart shaped offerings BUT I also experienced a resurgence of faith in the speed dating industry after attending the Dunkin Donuts ‘#LoveAtFirstBite speed dating event on Monday 13 February, 2017.

I know I said I’d NEVER attend another speed dating event after the disaster in 2015 but you know, hope springs eternal and come on, who can say not to donuts?

Here’s why the #LoveAtFirstBite experience rocked my dating world:

  1. Men, men, me EVERYWHERE:

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I “dated” nine men in the space of 40 minutes …the fact that there were so many guys for the first time at a speed dating event was heartening AND they were relatively good looking!

2.  Talk to me, baby:

Behold the blessings of a good conversationalist! A few of them, like Ryan, the hot primary school teacher ( awww, he loves kids and giving back to the community!) made the five minutes allocated to getting to know each other fly by with their interesting anecdotes.

3.  Keeping things sweet:

Look, I’d be lying if I said the real reason I was there was to  potentially meet your father … because let’s be honest, I love sweet things and, donuts, like a lot!

Besides the romantic #LoveAtFirstBite deal Dunkin Donuts was running for Valentine’s Day, they kept us sweet all night with special editions of their famous product and ice coffee. My favourite was the Hazelnut flavour and the choc choc heart!

Did Cupid’s Arrow hit my voluptuous butt at the Dunkin Donuts event? Who knows … the point is, the evening gave me  renewed faith in love, sugar and singledom and that, Kids, is all I needed to meet your father.

 

How I Met Your Father: the one with the Darling Summer Beer Festival experience!

Kids, at times when the search for your father seemed to come to a complete stand still, it was good to get out of Cape Town and have some fun (and go where there was sure to be hot, single men …we hoped!). Luckily for your god mom Marisa and I, we were invited to the ultra-cool, must-do Darling Summer Beer Festival on Saturday 3 December, 2016.

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Co-hosted by the local brewery Darling Brew and Darling Tourism  , this fun day out in the gorgeous dorpie (little town) featured stalls by local cider, beer and foodie producers (Riot Brewery, Savage Brewery, Flagship Brewery, Mountain Brewing Company and Everson’s Cider& Decider) and live music from up and coming bands like Red Tape Riot, Jimm Harisson Project & Stone Jets.

I lost my foodie heart to the Flying Pig, who conjured up such a magical Cuban sandwich, I kept dreaming about it for days after the event.

Our eclectic mix of Igers was transported to the Festival in a super rad Nomad Tours truck and let me tell you, it’s a driving experience unlike any other I have ever had.

I’ll readily admit that I wasn’t much of a craft beer drinker before the Festival ( the last time I had chugged down some ale was when I was trying to impress Monroe on a night out …and we all know how well that turned out –NOT!) but I thoroughly enjoyed the Gypsy Mask and the Midnight Hawk brews.

One of the stalls at the market made a mean beer-infused ice cream that was easily my favourite item of the day!

These are some of our tasty memories of the Festival:

#CTgirlinDarling …heading out to the #DSBF16 with @marisahendricks 😎

A post shared by Fazielah Williams (@fazielahwilliams) on

Cheers to you ,@darlingbrew 😎 #CTgirlinDarling #DSBF16

A post shared by Fazielah Williams (@fazielahwilliams) on

The rocking vibe with a live band at @darlingbrew 's #DSBF16 😎

A post shared by Fazielah Williams (@fazielahwilliams) on

Darling Brew was known for hosting a variety of cool events throughout the year and I was sure to make return trips to this cool spot!

 

How I Met Your Father: the one with the Zombie Walk Cape Town Cosplay!

Kids, by the spring of 2016, my cosplaying obsession was in full swing and with my all-time favourite holiday of the year, Halloween, coming up, there was just one more character I simply had to inhabit: the Zombie Bride of the Mother City at the Zombie Walk Cape Town 2016 event.

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Image credit: Leon Jamarie

Your Uncle Leon laughs at me for this but my zombie alter ego had been steadily building up to major life milestones for several years – I’d been a cheerleader in 2014, a nurse in 2015 and now it was time for me to tie the undead knot.

Your Nan also really got into the spirit of wedding dress shopping … I know how much she’d been dying for that to happen!

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Image credit: http://www.pinterest.com

29 October, 2016:

Cosplaying events are always way more fun with friends and so off your Uncle L and I went with Kaanita, Daniel, Ethan and Tania in tow, to join the hordes ( and I mean HORDES) of rotting bodies for Zombie Walk 2016.

These are some of our cool undead memories of the day:

Get me to the church on time! My #ZombieWalkCT bridal party 😍 #cosplay #thisis30

A post shared by Fazielah Williams (@fazielahwilliams) on

#happyhalloween #trickortreat #dressup #CapeTown #SouthAfrica #imlovingit

A post shared by Cape Town (@t_knight_13) on

But wait, don’t just take my word for it about how frighteningly awesome the walk was….here’s what the zombies had to say:

 

How I Met Your Father: the day my running life changed with Garmin SA!

Kids, 2016 had been all kinds of horrible ,what with all of the adulting I had to do but by Spring, one of two amazing things happened to me…

Through the magical work of your Spirit Mom Leo and her tireless promotion of my Old Mutual Two Oceans Marathon blog posts, Garmin SA, the leading satellite navigation technology company , sponsored my new running companion, a Forerunner 35!

This news had me dancing for joy, Carlton-style!

Image credit: www.giphy.com
Image credit: http://www.giphy.com

I’d had countless unbelievable experiences ( hotel stays, theatre shows, concerts, restaurants meals and events) through my work as a travel writer and met world-renowned illusionists (with the front page newspaper coverage and national TV broadcasts to reflect my efforts) through my magical PR job so having my crazy dating and running stories recognised by Garmin was an all-new writing career high!

Just look at this gorgeous device:

I couldn’t wait to document my fitness journey via Instagram, Twitter and my Two Oceans Marathon blog series!