Kids, you’re all familiar with my uncanny ability to attract people who share their entire life stories with, seeking advice, right? Well, in 2021, in the middle of a pandemic, it happened to me again and this time it was a MILLION times worse.
There I was, travelling back from your Aunt Anthea’s when my Bolt driver asks: “Ma’am, can I ask you your advice on something personal, please?”
Me, sighing heavily internally, because fuck a zombie, how am I sitting behind this guy, wearing a mask and earphones and STILL he is coming to me seeking to unburden himself. Remind me to ask the Powers That Be to remove the priest/therapist/Oprah vibes from my soul’s makeup the next time I get reincarnated,: “Uhm, sure, go ahead”.
Him: “My wife’s mother put my hand down her panties and made me touch her intimately. Do you think I should tell my wife?”
Wait, what?! I’ve heard some strange confessions in my time but this?! This was record-breaking! Also, who the fuck tells a client this kind of intimate story?
Since I’d already backed myself into a corner by telling him I was married (I do this for all late night, long distance trips because you just never know), I had to offer my meek advice: “Well, my husband tells me everything and I definitely would want to know something like this. Unless you want to give your mother-in-law a talking to and tell her to quit harassing you or you will tell her daughter.”
Needless to say, the rest of the ride was filled with awkward silence. Remind me to never make pointless small talk with drivers EVER again. NEXT!