How I Met Your Father: the one with the creepy guys

Kids, in 2019, after years of inappropriate messages from men on dating apps and a rollercoaster of horrific dates, I thought I’d heard and seen it all.

Image credit: Tenor

Of course, because this is my life, and the Universe likes to make sure I know exactly how wrong I can be, in the space of two months I got served up some of the craziest creepiness I’d ever experienced until that point in time.

Behold, the one with the creepy guys:

Avada Kedavra, Creep:

There I was,helping your Spirit Mom Leo putting the finishing touches to the birthday cake of the magical organisation we both love, when a seemingly harmless looking guy comes up to take a photo of us.

Thinking it’s one of the new students’ parents and that I always have to be happy, friendly and approachable, I smile broadly and pose for said photo.

“Great”, he says, lowering his phone, “now I have a photo of you so I can look out for you on Tinder!”

Wait…

Image credit: Tenor

Are you fucking kidding me?! In the one place, other than the comfort of my home, where I can just relax, be myself and feel safe, I was being objectified and harrassed! No, just FUCKING NO!

The interaction immediately made me feel sleazy and like somehow I’d provoked him by being me – I know it wasn’t my fault but in that instant, it felt like it. I spent the rest of the night always in the company of one of my fellow witches and made sure to give He Who Must Not Be Named a very wide berth…

As it turned out, said creep was now also someone I was going to have to work with on a regular basis. I worked around that by opting to only deal with someone else who was doing the same thing. Since casting the killing curse was impossible, at least for now, I had to be extra careful going forward.

The IG DM lurker:

A Sunday morning, at just after 6 fucking am, a direct message request arrives in my Instagram app.

Eye roll from me, because no one who knows me would dare to contact me before the perfectly acceptable time of 9am but hey, there’s always a first.

I hit open and I’m assaulted with this missive:

As I’ve said countless times before, I am not against being complimented but when it’s a virtual fucking stranger sliding into my DMs, Momma’s gonna have a few choice things to say, my loves.

Curious as to who this wanna-be Lothario is, I did some investigating on his profile. Turns out he is a professional photographer of sorts and actually gets fucking paid to take people’s photos and interact with them so why in the name of the Gods was he creeping on me?!

There is no law against telling a woman she is beautiful, for sure, but sending me a private message on a social media app that is NOT for online dating is overstepping boundaries.

I dreamt of giving ol’Mc Creep the Khaleesi treatment …

Image credit: Tumblr

… but alas I had to do it the mere mortal way of block, report and delete.

Fuck it… NEXT!

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