How I Met Your Father: the one with the #tinderfail

Kids, in the winter of 2018, in a fit of insecurity over the fact that the person I caught feelings for was just using me for emotional support, I re-downloaded Tinder.

Sigh…

big mistake
Image credit: GifImage

As I was lazily scrolling through potentials one cold winter night, I swiped right on a visiting Italian. With the matchmaking gods ever in my favour (not!), he swiped right too and we were a match.

Almost immediately he slid into my DMs and the following exchange occurred:

Him: “Hi, I’m Andrea from Italy and I am looking for a lady to share sensual times”

Me (taken aback by his utter forwardness): ” Hi, I’m Fazielah from Cape Town and I am looking for someone to date and get to know with the possibility of it leading to sensual times”

Him: “I’m only here for few more days. If you are feeling spontaneous, maybe we can meet at the V&A?”

Me (rolling my eyes, because seriously, who the f*** just agrees to a hook-up like this?!): “Sorry, I am out with friends this evening and fully booked until the weekend. So it looks like I’ll miss you.”

Him: “Change your plans. Meet me for sex. You will enjoy it””

Uhm…wait, what the actual mother f***ing f***?!!

This asshole , whom I have never met, wanted me to drop everything I was doing and meet him in a public space to go somewhere else and just give him some, just like that?!

are you fucking kidding me
Image credit:Imgur

When I did not respond, he quickly unmatched me and that was the end of it.

Gods, Kids, 2018 was the year where romance and chivalry went to die.

F*** it… NEXT!

7 thoughts on “How I Met Your Father: the one with the #tinderfail”

  1. I kind of like that he was upfront with his intentions, even if it was a bit shocking – as a result very little of your time was wasted.

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      1. I have so many questions here that will never be answered.

        – Is this his international-travel modus operandi?
        – Does it work?
        – Does he collect conquests like others collect souvenirs?

        – Is he even Italian or is that an exotic lie that works?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Yea to the Italian stallion letting you know upfront that he was DTF. A thousand times no to him feeling so entitled to your time that he demanded to change your plans for the chance to experience his underwhelming penis #next

    Like

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