Test tube: “Hey Beautiful. Do you come here often?”

Me: ” Only when I’m trying to get knocked up by you.”

Even in my f***ed up fantasies about conceiving you by sperm donation, I utterly sucked at flirting…

Kids, in the winter of 2018, I was facing the very real and harsh reality that meeting a man, one who got my weirdness, wanted me, loved me for me and wanted to make you with me, wasn’t going to happen.

At the time, being part of a family where literally every single one of my female relatives met and married men at the drop of a f***ing hat, when my timelines were filled to the f***ing brim with ultrasound photos and every other couple on the street were seriously overdoing the limit on PDAs, researching sperm donation and IVF and worrying how in the holy f*** I was going to scrape 70K together to make you was how I spent my evenings.

It didn’t help that I couldn’t talk about these thoughts with anyone in my life because I was far too busy being the soundboard and emotional haven for those people (including the person I caught feelings for – he’d popped back into my life a few weeks before and was going through something major. Yes, I am aware of how f***ed up that is but I was young and stupid and had a major heroine complex so sue me!).

When you grow up in a family that accuses you of being a drama queen your entire life, you learn as an adult to keep your mouth f***ing shut about the heartbreaking issues and worries that keep you up at night. It made me so emotionally shut off that I automatically assumed my friends wouldn’t want to hear my fears about being so weird and unlovable that no man in their right minds would ever want to be with me or father my children.

On a morning following a long, long night of crying into my pillow about not being able to change who I was so I could be like my female relatives and friends, I logged onto Twitter where your godfather Leon had liked an epic thread.

The author of the thread had exchanged seats with another woman so she could be with her boyfriend and ended up inadvertedly setting this woman up with her co-passenger:

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014122893805015041

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014123110134665216

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014123271044960256

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014123421050003456

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014123609038737410

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014123729448628224

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014123845958107143

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014124380987822080

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014124501494267906

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014125264274644992

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014125405027127297

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014125738583298048

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014125758124646401

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014125772368416768

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014125866736062464

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014126061557374976

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014126184853057536

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014126339480346625

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014127039392174080

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014127143511617539

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014127879876239360

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014128083484512256

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014128640395743233

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014128715322806272

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014128948849111041

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014129132211523584

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014129693518417920

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014130107433308160

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014130185690648576

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014130313327497217

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014130660817145857

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014130875079028736

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014130994868256768

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014131785939259394

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014133043123183617

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014133254021148674

https://twitter.com/roseybeeme/status/1014133511392059392

Did this make me believe I was going to meet your father on my next flight or bus ride? No… but it make me feel slightly better and really, that’s all a single girl could ask for. Thanks Leon and Rosey!