Kids, I’d pressed pause on finding your Dad in 2017 and thought that dealing with too-keen Lothario wanna-bes was a thing of the past…
Turns out that men in real life are just as thirsty and not ashamed to say it.
Meet Mr Overeager 3.
I met up with your Auntie Cynthia at the Cape Town Festival of Beer where she introduced me to her new friend Thirsten ( yup, his name is a dead giveaway!).
She’d met this 30 something-year-old law student at our local Slug & Lettuce, shown him a photo of me and invited him along to meet me, hoping we’d hit it off.
So far so good.
I give you Exhibit A:
and Exhibit B:
Thirsten, though sweet, was Cape Town’s answer to Kevin Hart:
Again, one cannot judge a book by its cover so while Cynthia wandered off to explore the Festival again, I invited Thirsten to tell me about himself.
Why?!Why did I even ask?!
Out came the long,sad story about how he’d been set up with a girl by his law firm colleagues just to mess with his mind; how she’d been lying to him the entire five months they were together and how she broke his heart.
Him:” But, you know what?”
Me: “No, what?”
Him: “I’m thankful she opened my eyes and heart to loving Indian Malay looking girls like you…”
Sweet Baby Jesus…are you kidding me?!
As if that low-key racism and his constant touching me when I did not ask nor want him to weren’t bad enough, Mr Overeager 3 ended the evening on a spectacular douchebag note…
After I politely but very firmly told Thirsten that he could not join Cynthia and I at our next event ( a Pulse Boys male strip revue), he pulled Queen C off to the side for a hug and a talk.
A talk,as it turns out, in which he complained to Cynthia that he thought we were all going back to one of our places for a threesome.
Bro, why can’t a nice afternoon spent at a beer festival,getting to know two beautiful women, just be that?!
Mother of f***ing dragons! Do all men walk around in this world assuming that every woman wants to sleep with them?!
And then to make that assumption out loud? F*** NO!
We kicked Mr Thirsty to the curb and wandered off into the night to get our Magic Mike thrills elsewhere…