Kids, I’d pressed pause on finding your Dad in 2017 and thought that dealing with too-keen Lothario wanna-bes was a thing of the past…

Sigh..

Turns out that men in real life are just as thirsty and not ashamed to say it.

Meet Mr Overeager 3.

December 2017…

I met up with your Auntie Cynthia at the Cape Town Festival of Beer where she introduced me to her new friend Thirsten ( yup, his name is a dead giveaway!).

She’d met this 30 something-year-old law student at our local Slug & Lettuce, shown him a photo of me and invited him along to meet me, hoping we’d hit it off.

So far so good.

Bear in mind, though, that I have two types: tall, blonde,blue-eyed and handsome or tall, brunette, brown-eyed and mysterious.

I give you Exhibit A:

and Exhibit B:

Thirsten, though sweet, was Cape Town’s answer to Kevin Hart:

Again, one cannot judge a book by its cover so while Cynthia wandered off to explore the Festival again, I invited Thirsten to tell me about himself.

Why?!Why did I even ask?!

Out came the long,sad story about how he’d been set up with a girl by his law firm colleagues just to mess with his mind; how she’d been lying to him the entire five months they were together and how she broke his heart.

Him:” But, you know what?”

Me: “No, what?”

Him: “I’m thankful she opened my eyes and heart to loving Indian Malay looking girls like you…”

Sweet Baby Jesus…are you kidding me?!

As if that low-key racism and his constant touching me when I did not ask nor want him to weren’t bad enough, Mr Overeager 3 ended the evening on a spectacular douchebag note…

After I politely but very firmly told Thirsten that he could not join Cynthia and I at our next event ( a Pulse Boys male strip revue), he pulled Queen C off to the side for a hug and a talk.

A talk,as it turns out, in which he complained to Cynthia that he thought we were all going back to one of our places for a threesome.

WAIT…

Bro, why can’t a nice afternoon spent at a beer festival,getting to know two beautiful women, just be that?!

Mother of f***ing dragons! Do all men walk around in this world assuming that every woman wants to sleep with them?!

And then to make that assumption out loud? F*** NO!

We kicked Mr Thirsty to the curb and wandered off into the night to get our Magic Mike thrills elsewhere…