How I Met Your Father: I am not your tourist guide, I am your damn date!

Kids, after Mr “Let’s Go Dutch”, I was a little gun shy about meeting new people – spending two hours with someone boring who hogged ALL of the attention just wasn’t appealing.

no bad dates just brunch stories
Image credit: http://www.pinterest.com

Also, after the spate of bad, and I mean, BAD online dating chats that were leading nowhere fast, I had all but given up hope of ever finding your Dad.

Hope, though, always springs eternal for singletons and so I turned to back to my old faithful,  Ok Cupid, for a bit of a romantic shake-up.

Here’s a look at that time I schooled an American tourist in the art of dating a Capetonian woman:

September 2016 …

Tdater 31 was a Pennsylvanian engineer, visiting Cape Town for the first time ever (I am stressing this because it becomes important later in the story) for his sister’s wedding. After a weird stop and start, we got into a rhythm of flirting (mostly him because as I might have mentioned, I am Bridget Jones-bad at picking up hints that guys are into me).

Date One was a coffee (and that was the actual hot drink, NOT the other hook-up kind of coffee) and pizza meeting at Cape Town’s new caffeine hot spot, the Honeybadger in Loop Street.

He wasn’t impressed I was keeping the date to 90 minutes because I had a movie date planned with your Spirit Mom (screw it, we’d won tickets for a Michael Fassbender movie and there was NO way I was missing out on it!).

We got along well, though, chatting about Star Trek, Comic Con, work and family. He was funny and smart but …

Tdater31 seemed to have no sense of desire to explore Cape Town, a city he had travelled 25 hours plus to visit.  Call me crazy but I always research a destination before I visit it to know what’s on and where I should explore. Hell, I’ve stalked New York so often, I feel like I live there.

Mr Man was annoyed that I had to work and that I had a social life filled with family and friends ‘engagements that I wouldn’t cancel to spend time with him:

loki wait what
Image credit: http://www.giphy.com

Bro, let us be clear on a couple of things: a) I am a busy woman with a full life who will not be your personal tour guide and b) no man comes before my friends and family.

Against my better judgment, I agreed to a second date because hey, maybe he was nervous and just coming across as a doos inaccurately.

Date Two…

Sigh…

At 30, I still had to learn to trust my gut feelings about people. If I found you annoying, boring and a pain in my ass the first time I met you, that impression would not change later.

Tdater31 had indicated that he wasn’t into the big touristy things like the attractions and he wanted to experience what the locals do as well as the local cuisine.  Since it was First Thursdays, I decided we’d do that and then I would take him to Biesmiellah in Bo Kaap for some authentic Malay dishes.

Right away, he pissed me off by being WAY too handsy … I do not like people touching me unless I initiate it and grabbing my ass repeatedly or balancing bottles on my head while I was crouching to snap a photo was not winning him any brownie points.

Secondly, he did nothing but bitch about how most of the patrons at the Gin Bar were white. Where were the locals, the Africans, he wanted to know. Jerk, are you seriously getting racial on me? Caucasians are f***ing local!

The moaning about not wanting to leave his hotel room because he didn’t want to go where all the tourists were carried on throughout this date from hell.

By 7pm, I had had enough of Tdater31 and his narrow-minded bigotry and stupidity so I helped him order his “authentic” meal, stuck him with the bill and wished him safe travels back to Pennsylvania with a “Yeah, I am never visiting you, see ya!”

don't ever talk to me again
Image credit: twosisterstoomanyfrogs.blogspot.com

F*** it …NEXT!

 

 

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