Kids, the start of June 2016 was a bit of a “kick you in the arse, over the top adulting” phase for me…
Your Great-Grandfather had suffered a diabetic coma and was deteriorating quickly and my already dying romantic prospects were fading fast.
So, when I say that I was back on OkCupid as a last bloody resort, you should know this was a Hail Mary …
The usual frustrations re-emerged for me and left me wondering whether I should just throw in the towel, put out a “be my sperm donor” ad on Gumtree and be done with it.
The calibre of candidates was dismal … take LaidbackMF from Fort Lauderdale in the US, for example.
After the initial pleasantries but not long enough to figure out each other’s name even, Mr Man was keen to talk fetishes.
Dude, I know it’s online and generally people think that means the whole courtship is accelerated but slow down there a sec…
I politely explained that since he was way out of my location specs and there was zero chance of us meeting ( this did NOT apply to me re-meeting Alexander Skarsgard, though) , I didn’t really want to know his particular kink.
Him: “No, really, I promise you it’s not anything weird – it’s actually funny “
Me: silence because now I was starting to have serious doubts about this guy’s sanity.
I figured he’d get the message and f*** off silently into the online night but …
Him: “Are you ready for this? I like it when … girls fart on me. What do you think about that?”
Are you f***ing kidding me, Dude?! I think I don’t ever, EVER want to meet you or talk to you again.