How I Met Your Father: 5 things I learnt whilst being on a dating pause

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Kids, as you know, in the autumn of 2016, I hit the pause button on finding your father and dating.

Too many disastrous online and speed dating episodes had left a bitter taste in my mouth about the whole process and I decided to rock the art of going solo for a while.

By March, I had been on my singleton kick for just over a month and I picked up a few well-deserved lessons along the way:

  1. People will gossip: and sometimes those people are your own family. Mine came up with the ingenious thought that if I wasn’t bringing a man home, I must be a lesbian. Cue awkward “so, where’s your partner or is it your friend?” questions.                                                                                                                                                                                   There is nothing wrong with loving girls, as you well know, but clearly my relatives had not been exposed enough to my Alexander Skarsgard obsession, my stalker war stories or met He Who Shall Not Be Named.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             Their gossip hurt for a while, especially when all I had been doing was killing myself trying to meet the right guy for so long but then I figured F*** it! People who talk are fans and have nothing better to do with their time.
  1. Meeting new people was more fun: without the added pressure of always wondering whether the hot barista or fellow runner was a potential mate, I could relax and just talk to guys.                                                                                                                                                                             This time, I wasn’t even worried that I’d end up as always the best friend and not the girlfriend. I could and did just truly enjoy having normal conversations with relatively normal guys.
  1. Less time spent on dating woes meant more time to do great things: like train for the Old Mutual Two Oceans Fun Run; get my geek on at comic book movie premieres; indulge in my love for magic and spend time with your Great-Grandfather.

     I was spending more time being me and that was always a good      thing!

  1. I developed a super power for spotting time and emotion wasters: He Who Shall Not Be Named decided to poke the bear during this period by asking for special favours and trying to be the centre of my attention at events.
ain't nobody got time for that
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He did not succeed, much to his utter disappointment. Ditto for the ex-boyfriend of a  friend who was always trying to be something more to me but only when it suited him. Ain’t nobody got time for that …NEXT!

  1. Being alone did not mean being lonely: and I was perfectly ok with it. It tired me watching family and friends agonize over relationship issues and the fear of being alone. I did not want to be that scared to be alone when I was in a  relationship someday so  taking some time to figure out who I was and what I wanted was just fine by me.

I owed it to both you and your dad to have my shit together by the time I met him … and man, am I glad I did!


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Creative writer with a penchant for all things Cape Town,communications, magic and travel

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