Kids, I’ve educated you about the scary attributes of a Mr Overeager type before and truly, I thought that by 2016, I had put this type of man behind me…Alas, I had no such luck and not only did I run into his sort again, but I did so in the week leading up to Valentine’s Day!
10 February, 2016 …
Besides Merlin 39, I’d been going through a bit of a dating drought and so while there was an opportunity to attend another speed dating event, I wasn’t particularly into it either. Instead, I was focused on hanging out with your Spirit Mother at a Deadpool screening and feasting on chocolate until my heart and tummy burst.
Unexpectedly, I received a message from Dave, who was a part of the speed dating group. He was 42, looking for someone special and convinced that he’d previously met me at a speed dating event before.
Since I was sure we had in fact “dated”, I readily accepted his coffee date request and counted myself lucky that I had gone from having no Valentine’s Day plans to suddenly having plenty of them.
I gave Dave my number and we started texting back and forth to set a time and place (the Saturday at Red Sofa Café in Vredehoek).
At first, everything was going well – I smirked at his attempts to be flirtatious and had to reassure him several times that the age difference didn’t matter to me because it was just a f***ing coffee date. Soon, though, I wasn’t responding as readily because I was in back to back meetings and apparently Dave didn’t like being ignored.
Maybe I was more naïve than Ana in Fifty Shades but I thought a coffee date meant meeting someone in a coffee shop to have, well, coffee … So, when he offhandedly suggested hooking up after work Wednesday, I quickly shut him down with a “sorry, I have plans for tonight but looking forward to meeting you for a chat and coffee on Saturday!” text.
He got huffy and responded with “Wow…ok, sorry for taking up your time.” I ignored him because a) that wasn’t what I meant and b) I was busy for the f***ing love of the gods!
11 February, 2016 …
Kids, my job back then was talking to hundreds of thousands of people via my company’s social media channels which left me utterly depleted of any conversational skills so I wasn’t much of a texter in my personal life. I was very selective about whom I communicated with.
Which is apparently bad news for budding non-relationships … by the Thursday morning, I was getting slightly neurotic texts from Dave, going “Are we still on??? I didn’t hear from you.”
Dear sweet Mother of Dragons, trust me to find the one man in the entire goddamn Universe who wants to over communicate!
After reassuring him once again that yes, we were still meeting, no, I didn’t think he was too old (again!) and yes, I was looking for a relationship as much as he was, we left the conversation hanging.
In my mind, though, everything was settled – we were meeting on Saturday and we both knew what we wanted out of this so what more did we need to talk about until we saw each other, right?
12 February, 2016 …
F*** a f***ing zombie! Apparently a lot could go wrong because I woke up to the following text from Dave:
“”It’s clear you aren’t interested or that we’re very different. You’ve shown absolutely no interest. No desire to ask anything. You’re young. It’s clear our situations and experiences are very different.”
Now look, it takes a lot for me to get pissed off but this was just totally f***ing uncalled for! And he had sent the text before 8am and my first cup of coffee, for Pete’s sake!
So, taking a few calming breaths, I channelled my inner Khaleesi and let him feel the hot but calm fire of my temper by responding with:
“Good Morning Dave. I hope you are well. I am not much of a texter because I prefer getting to know someone in person. I am extremely busy, hence the silence. As much as you are accusing me of not asking you questions, you haven’t asked me anything either.
You keep mentioning the age thing, and to be quite honest, that’s your hang-up, not mine. If this is the way you treat all potential dates, I can understand why you’re not attached yet.
I am not looking for a neurotic partner who seems to crave attention every second so I think it’s best we part ways. Good luck with the dating!”
The asshole had the audacity to respond with:
“”At least I didn’t waste my time with someone who’s incredibly bitchy.”
Kids, I am not the girl who cries on Valentine’s Day weekend, bemoaning her single status and the fact that no one loves her but f*** it, this one got to me!
Luckily your Spirit Mom came to my rescue with a super awesome Galentine’s Day, cooling off at the Long Street Turkish Baths and marvelling at Ryan Reynolds’s uber hot butt cheeks in spandex as Deadpool.
Yeah, I didn’t have a heartthrob in my life but that didn’t mean I had to put up with the jackasses of this world either. Instead, I was blessed to have super weird and awesome friends and family who loved me anyway… and that is all that really matters.