How I Met Your Father: Girls ‘Night Out with Beefy Boys in Cape Town

beefcakes cover

Kids, while the search for your Dad continued to frustrate me endlessly, I often just needed to let my hair down with my friends while gazing at beautifully sculpted specimens of the opposite sex…

Luckily for me, Cape Town, the gorgeous people-loving Mother City, is home to Beefcakes, a 50s-style entertainment diner, overflowing with the best buns in town (both of the wheat and flesh variety!).

No doubt you’ve browsed through our family albums and seen some of the crazy pics of your godparents and I with the hunky masterpieces of perfection … there might or might not be a video or two floating around of us doing more than just touching their delectable torsos, but it’s probably best for you not to see them. I’m already spending a fortune on tuition, let’s not add astronomical therapy bills to the list too!

As I prepared to get all dolled up for  my umpteenth visit with your magical fairy godmother to our favourite pink palace of pleasure in the winter of 2015, I thought back to the time I took an unsuspecting suitor there for a first date…

March 2014 …

Khuma was a soft spoken Zambian-born IT administrator, looking for love and friends in Cape Town and was eager to meet me, having liked my quirky profile.

A weekend’s worth of texts back and forth had yielded no agreement as to a place to meet, until I hit upon the idea of meeting for a drink at Beefcakes, before I had to meet my friends for that evening’s dinner and drag show.

Being situated in De Waterkant, the Mother City’s Pink District, Beefcakes is renowned for catering to the female population and their fabulous gay best friends so understandably, Khuma wasn’t that eager to meet there:

Him: “You know that this is a gay bar, right?”

Me: “Yes, but plenty of straight men go there too with their partners. Besides Beefcakes has the best burgers in Cape Town. I know it’s unconventional for a date but its loads of fun.”

Him: “I don’t mind the venue but its smack bang in the middle of what is known as the gay district, I have no problem with gays and lesbians. I just don’t want to be called one and people said to frequent these gay bars are likely to be ripe for the picking.”


At that comment, I lost my cool, Kids. Despite my unlucky romantic history, I am a huge supporter of the LGBT movement with both my and your godfathers being pink and proud. There was no way I could be with a partner who did not respect that and I told Khuma that if he had an issue with homosexuality and being seen at a pink venue, perhaps we needed to call it quits while we were ahead.

A tussle of convictions ensued and eventually we agreed to go ahead with the date.

I arrived early and as usual, the Beefcake waiters and barmen were only too happy to see me (have I mentioned that I visit my ridiculously hot boys at least once every few months and I always have the best table in the house?!).

Armed with a delicious Cosmo and the lavish attentions of the fellas, I told my waiter about my date and he immediately informed his sexy co-workers who agreed to keep an eye on me all night (and boy, did I love that!)

Khuma arrived, nervous naturally, but I did love his open, beautiful smile. After getting him a beer, we headed outside, away from the prying eyes of my friends who had arrived.

We chatted freely, laughed a lot and even managed to relax some, when our topless waiter (bless him!)  kept coming by to top up our drinks.

But … I didn’t feel any kind of spark with Khuma… and no, that’s not because we were surrounded by the hunkiest specimens of men known to God.

There was nothing physically, intellectually or spiritually wrong with Khuma – he was the sweetest guy I’d met and dated from the online dating site. I wasn’t comparing him to anyone else – I just wasn’t that into him.

As Khuma left for the night and we parted ways, agreeing to be friends, I realised that I was happy as I was… single, successful, blessed with amazing friends and free to indulge in the carnal pleasures of Beefcakes anytime I wanted to and that that was ok.

I’ll kick start the search for your father again soon but first, let your magical fairy godmother and I get our Beefcakes on! Cheers!

faz and leo beefcakes

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Creative writer with a penchant for all things Cape Town,communications, magic and travel

3 thoughts on “How I Met Your Father: Girls ‘Night Out with Beefy Boys in Cape Town

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