Kids, I’ve warned you about the dangers of stalkers and over eager potential suitors but now it’s time for your mother to make a confession of her own: I am not above doing the occasional, and I stress occasional, stalking or actively finding, as I like to call it, myself.
Especially when it comes to my one true television love… Alexander Skarsgard. Settle in, and let me tell you about my Mother City run-in with my ultimate vampire.
In the spring of 2013, the Internet was abuzz with the news that Cape Town had been chosen as the primary filming location for the movie adaptation of Lois Lowry’s The Giver novel.
Big name stars including Meryl Streep, Jeff Bridges and Katie Holmes had been signed to star in leading roles and then, the best news I had heard since Cadbury’s new Bubbly chocolate was announced: Alexander Skarsgard, Swedish sex god and star of the vampire TV series, True Blood, had been cast too and would join his co-stars in the Mother City!
F*** a zombie! Alexander aka Eric was coming to me…ok, well, Cape Town, but in my vicinity. It was like Christmas, my birthday, Eid and every public holiday all rolled into one, I was ecstatic!
To understand why I was so incredibly excited to see this Adonis, let me take you back a year …
January 2012 …
Knowing I had a predilection for blonde, blue-eyed men (the only good thing to come out of my heartbreak), your aunt Smurfette, my amazing co-worker and close friend, hands her True Blood series box set to me and says: “Fazi, this is all kinds of raunchy but there is a particularly hot tall, blonde vampire I think you may take a liking to. Try it out and let me know what you think, and I’ll bring the next season too.”
Gods almighty, if only she knew… not only did I take a liking to the devilishly handsome and blonde Alexander right away, he had me all hot and bothered in ways not safe for your young ears to hear right now.
I was so enamoured with the man, I watched those first few seasons back to back; re-watched Zoolander over and over again just for Alex’s two minute cameo as model Meekus, and downloaded every movie/series of his I could find.
He had effectively bumped my other European descendent love, Leonardo Di Caprio to second place on my wanna-be celeb baby daddy list and that took some doing – I’d been infatuated with Leo for nigh on 15 years. That kind of love doesn’t break easy…
Back to November 2013…
Having the good friends that I did, people were scouring hotels, online newsfeeds and calling up old contacts to help me locate my Viking until we hit pay dirt with a semi-solid rumour that some of the cast were staying at a prestigious hotel in the City Bowl.
While I anxiously swayed between wanting to rush over there to check if it was true and hiding away because what if it wasn’t true, your godfather had no such qualms and dragged our slightly inebriated butts over to the hotel one Sunday afternoon, following a day-drinking outing to the Winelands.
When an hour or two of “Oh My God, I think I just saw him!” yielded no results, L beckoned our waiter over and struck up a “mutually beneficial” relationship. Our new friend, Tom, would keep us informed of the cast’s whereabouts and we’d keep returning, plying him with good tips.
And thus began a week-long journey of showing up for cocktails and an update from Tom. Unfortunately, I was also running out of funds fast so, and it shames me to say this, I applied and got a credit card, to help me keep up with the stars at this fancy hotel.
Fast forward to the Friday and still there had been no sighting of my vampire. Your godfather and I popped by for one last cocktail and finally, received some good news from Tom: Alex had been around the last few days and liked having his drinks in the garden in the late afternoon. Success!
By this time, your aunt Sam was dying to join me on my “actively finding” mission, so she jumped at the chance to relieve your godfather of his wingstalker duties and we prepared for our next casual drop-by…
The next day…
Kids, that Saturday morning was one of those rare November beauties – filled with sunshine and the feeling that anything and everything was possible.
Much to your aunt’s chagrin, I wasn’t in a hurry to get to the hotel… after a week of near-misses, I somehow knew that if my Swedish lover and I were meant to see each other, we would and so I was ridiculously calm about the entire thing.
Later that afternoon, Sam and I pulled up at the posh hotel in the ever-faithful if somewhat cranky Mr W (rocking up in my beat-up car at impressive hotels was a favourite pastime for your aunt and me!), ready to tuck into lunch and play I spy with my little eye a hot blonde vampire.
Gods almighty, lunch in the gorgeous garden was an expensive affair (R 90 for a chicken mayo sandwich, are you kidding me?!). Poor Sammy was so nervous at the possibility of seeing Alex, she kept visiting the little girls’ room.
The afternoon wasn’t a total bust, though… your aunt and I had plenty of fun sunbathing, catching up and pretending we were rich. Sibling quality time is always a good thing, I hope I’ve imparted the importance of that to you, guys.
Anyway, back to the vampire hunting … when it became apparent at 4pm that the Tall One would not be making his grand entrance to proclaim his love for me, we got the bill and I talked Sam into taking a walk around the grounds before we left.
Man, am I glad I did!
As we rounded the pool area, your aunt suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. “There he is!” she exclaimed, excitedly grabbing my arm. My heart started racing a mile a minute and I couldn’t breathe.
“Are you sure?” I half whispered but Sam was barely listening as she walked on to get us a better view. And that’s when it happened, Kids…
Like a scene straight out of every romantic comedy ever conceived, time stood still and Alexander rose from his pool chair. My eyes raked his body from the feet up, drinking in the oh-so-glorious sight of him.
Droplets of water cascaded down his perfect abs; his pelvic bones were shown off to panty-wetting effect and not an ounce of fat anywhere. It was clear as day that there had been no photo shopping on True Blood, that’s for damn sure.
As my eyes settled on his beautiful face, I realised with heart-thudding clarity that Alexander was looking at me too. And not just looking, Kids, I’m talking staring into my soul kind of looking. Looking at me like Eric would look at his prey before biting them or at Sookie before…well, biting her, and then, you know…
All too soon, the spell was broken and Alex looked over his shoulder, presumably for his bodyguards. Like a deer who just realised she’d escaped the lion, I grabbed Sam, who was rooted to the spot in front of me (she swears it’s because she was frightened for her life, he plays a vampire after all!) and ran for all that I was worth.
Running blindly, we made for the hotel’s spa and closed the door behind us. Fortunately the door had windows which overlooked the pool area and while the spa receptionist tried to get our attention, your aunt and I peeked out at the object of my affection.
Who now, seemed to want our attention as long as we didn’t come over and bother him. I kid you not, my loves … Alex took his time towelling off, before finding another pool chair and bringing it closer to the spa area. He then proceeded to oh-so-slowly lay down that gorgeous body of his onto the chair, pop in his ear phones and put on his sunglasses.
The message was clear: “You can look all you want, ladies. Just leave me alone.”
By now, both Sam and I were hyperventilating and we deliberated for the better part of 20 minutes about whether we should go over and ask him for a photograph. Ultimately, I decided not… the hotel has a policy of kicking people out who bother their VIP guests and, at the time, I was a city marketing official, I could get fired for trespassing.
I know, I know what you’re thinking – how could I go to all of that trouble of finding him and NOT approach Alexander.
Well, Kids, two reasons actually:
- Ask your Dad what I’m like when I really, really, REALLY like someone. I have no game – I either can’t complete sentences or talk way too much because I am so nervous and awe-struck that someone that hot is talking to me and might like me too and I am such a klutz, I’ll walk into doors, fall up stairs or bang my head on things. It ain’t pretty … and if that is just what I am like with a normal guy, can you imagine what I’d be like in the presence of a bona-fide star?!
- Seeing Alexander in the flesh was more than enough for me. No, seriously, Kids. I drank in the sight of him and he looked at me… Me, little ol’ ordinary me. How many girls get to say that they’ve been seen by their idol, huh?
That doesn’t mean I am not plotting to see him again soon … in fact, your magic fairy godmother, aunt S and I have some interesting Comic Con plans, but more about that later.
What I want you to take away from this tale is this: Anything is possible, my loves. All you have to do is believe…
PS: Alex, if you are the father of my kids, we did good, babe, we did good xxx