How I Met Your Father: the one with the art of being happy

Kids, in the Autumn of 2021, I discovered that I was relatively happy. This was a novel concept to me because you know about my battles with the black dog. Yet, somehow I was really content and in a good place. I put this down to a couple of changes I’d made in my life: […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one where I got taken out by an escalator

“Wait … you REALLY got your dress stuck in an escalator and nearly flashed the security guard at the bottom of it? Oh, this is hilarious … stop it, you’re making my tummy ache!” That, Kids, was my Uber driver’s reaction to me laying my soul bare about the latest mortifying thing to happen to […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one where I felt love all around me

Kids, far from being sad about being single in the month of Love, I actually felt super adored and happy with my life. See, instead of fixating on everything that was missing from my life, I chose to celebrate the incredible things and people I do have. With the recent ending of my short stint […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one where I blocked antivirus believers

Kids, in general, online dating was a fuck show but in 2021, when faced with a Bumble chatter who steadfastly refused to believe that the worldwide COVID-19 pandemic was real, who thought that South Africa’s adjusted Level 3 lockdown was stupid and who didn’t a fuck about my safety but was desperate for a hook-up, […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one where we said f*** off, 2020!

Kids, the Year of WTF, 2020, was finally, FINALLY coming to a f***ing end and Gods, was I glad to see it go! 2020 had started out with your Nan being hospitalized and having a second stent implanted; me being diagnosed with having high blood pressure and taking chronic medication; me stuck in the toxic […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one where i said yes and got s*** done!

7 September 2020, sometime in the middle of the godforsaken night… “Oh God, I am never going to be able to leave this bed and walk again. I’ve been put on unpaid sick leave, my boss hates me and I am never going to walk again. I’ll never be able to finally resign and say […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one where I Got Over It

Kids, a year after Jet seemingly broke me with his rejection and I plunged into the deepest depression I’d ever known up to that point, I was finally over it. And him. Sure, it had taken me longer than expected – between his overbearing stalking and constant need to force his way into my personal […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one where 2020 took things to Jumanji levels of horrible

There I was, lying spread-eagled, legs in the air, searching for my underwear, panting hard and screaming the Good Lord’s name… I know what you’re thinking but get your minds out of the goddamn (pun totally intended) gutter! I’d recently torn my left ankle’s tendons and had realised, midway through trying to pull my pants […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one where I was ready to make some changes

Kids, in life, only three things are certain: death, taxes and change… Problem was, I HATED change. Even for a water sign and as someone whose day job required a certain level of flexibility, I hated it. Five months in lock down and a despairing sense that everyone’s lives were still moving along except mine, […]

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How I Met Your Father: The One With The Weird #LOCKDOWNSA dreams

“Come, my love. Sit down and have this cup of tea I’ve made for you before we go to bed”, said Jason Momoa, my super hot husband and father of the two gorgeous children we’d spent the day playing with… And then I woke up to the biting cold of a winter’s morning in the […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one where I wasn’t ready to go outside yet

Kids, in June 2020, the President of South Africa announced a further relaxing of the lock down restrictions which meant we could have sit-down meals at restaurants, go to cinemas, casinos and theatres and go back to work. I had some feelings about this: It’s true that being at home for three months ( but […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one where it’s ok to let go

Kids, in the Autumn of 2020 and in the midst of the South African lock down, I was learning the age- old art of letting things go. You could call me the Queen Elsa of Emotionland: I’d learnt that when people choose to walk out of your life and leave you, let them. Pre- coronavirus […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one with the wedding bells during #coronavirus

Kids, apart from my self-inflicted online dating time out, the #coronavirus had put a serious dampener on meeting your Dad. Like any sometimes good girl raised on fairytales, I turned to my favourite for some inspiration: Since I’d exhausted my supply of rom coms, I was turning to social media for some romantic inspiration. The […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one where it’s ok to not be ok

Kiddos, you’ve heard me talk about my black clouds days – entire months where I could barely get out of bed in the morning and felt dead inside like October 2019; periods where I struggled with being different; ages where the bad dating was getting me down. 2020, far from being the Year of Yes […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one with the kindness of strangers

Kids, on a beautiful Saturday afternoon in February 2020, I was standing in line with your Aunt Sam, waiting to pay for our parking ticket and wishing out loud that a handsome billionaire would find me, marry me and drag me off to a deserted island where we would have and raise you. See, 2020 […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one with the year of yes!

Kids, in the Year 2020 of the Old Gods and New, I made a promise to myself to live a fearless, unapologetic Year of Yes. 2019 had seen me shed many tears over people and things unworthy of my awesome self but I was determined to live my best life, ahead of having you. That […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one with the bumble fail

Kids, in December 2019, I was out in the streets of Cape Town and online, dating up a storm. Granted, I’d lowered my guard a bit, in an attempt to get over my depression and have the best summer EVER before you guys happened. Which leads me to my next big Bumble failure. Having decided […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one with the cute dog and hot topless neighbour

Kids, it was Friday the 13th and I was about to get unexpectedly lucky… Far from meeting my untimely death with this dude: … I’d wandered down the back staircase of my apartment building because thanks to the ever reliable Eskom, load shedding had hit and our gates were not working. As I wandered down, […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one where I went on a cruise to unf*** myself

Kids, shortly after my 34th birthday, which had been an extravaganza of love and celebrations with all of my favourite people ( besides and before you!), I was about to embark on my very first cruise ship vacation. See, life had been pretty shitty, mostly because Jet was still being an entitled asshole whose fucktard […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one with the bewitching Halloween

Kids, since my life had turned into the worst horror movie of all time in October 2019, you can well imagine that I wasn’t up for celebrating my favourite holiday, Halloween. But … three weeks post-heartbreak and with the news that Zombie Walk had been postponed, I knew that I could not let 31 October […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one with the weird game of thrones meet up

Kids, in the Spring of 2019, your Spirit Mom Leonie and I got our ultimate geek on at Comic Con Africa in Johannesburg. On our first day at the Con, we brought A Song of Ice and Fire to life as our Game of Thrones counterparts, the Night King and the Mother of Dragons: First […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one where I fell in love with the wrong guy

Kids, in October 2019, my life fell apart… Jet, after falsely accusing me of discussing him with co-workers and yelling at me from the very staircase where I’d fallen in love with him , rejected me twice as just a “dear friend” in a series of Whatsapp messages. After a nearly a year of flirting, […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one with cosplay lifestyle

Kids, I didn’t choose the cosplay life, it chose me. By now, you know the family lore: Your geeky grandpa met your creative Nan and when they found out they were expecting me, they worked together on creating a kickass Superbaby suit that I, your auntie Sam and countless future generations of bambinos would wear. […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one with the creepy old guys pt 2

Kids, in the winter of 2019, I was confronted with the skin-crawling, gag-inducing specimen of men: the creepy old guy. There I was,shaking what your Nan gave me at a friend’s birthday house party to my ultimate favourite jam… …when I hear this old guy, and I am talking walking with a walking stick old, […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one with the open letter to my future daughter

August 2019: Sweet Child of Mine… … And no, that is NOT an invitation for you to follow your spirit sister‘s dreams of becoming a skilled performer who dances for rich,handsome men on poles to this song: As we approached National Women’s Day in 2019, I started thinking about just how much I love you […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one where we appreciate your nan

Kids, in the winter of 2019, your Nan was facing a potential huge health crisis and while I knew I could and would support her as I had through two heart attacks, a stroke and bell’s palsy, I also wanted to take the time to appreciate her. She’s a tough one, your Nan. She survived […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one with the unsolicited TEENAGE love advice

Kids, in the winter of 2019, your Spirit Mom Leo and I took your god-brother and god-sister Kris and Heidi on a magical night out to watch Disney on Ice at the GrandWest Casino’s Grand Arena. Despite initially protesting that the show was for children, your moody teenage god siblings ended up singing along to […]

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How I Met Your Father: The One With The Inappropriate man comment

Kids, in June 2019, the married jackass co-worker was at it again – being an allround, inappropriate doos and I was sick of it! I’d come back from an offsite meeting and was frantically typing away at my desk when Mr Asshole makes some wisecrack about stripping the boards in the shop. “No, Fazielah, not […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one where I wished friends would stop giving me hope

Kids, by June 2019, the flirtation with Jet was at an impasse. We’d moved beyond the shy greetings and gentle teasing at the office with plenty of interaction at our recent company staff party. We’d been seen together so often and there were videos of the night’s events where he was caught on camera staring […]

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How I Met Your Father: the One Where I Restart My Fitness Journey

Kids, as you know, in early 2019, I’d sprained my ankle yet again, thus setting back my fitness journey once more. After one of those nasty AF Discovery Wellness days in May, I realised that if I had any hope in hell of giving you guys a healthy mom, it was time to get back […]

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How I Met Your Father: The One with The Bumble Stumbler

Kids, in the Autumn of 2019 I had promised your Spirit Mom Leo that I would get my beautiful ass off of Tinder and focus on IRL (in real life) dating. But… What I didn’t tell her was that I was still on Bumble. I know: I knew she was going to kick my ass […]

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How I Met Your Father: The One with the FINAL Game of Thrones premiere EVER!

game of thrones cape town

Kids, the night was dark and full of unexpected pleasures as your Spirit Mom Leonie and I made our way to M-Net’s final Game of Thrones premiere, held at Nu Metro Canal Walk on Monday 15 April 2019. While Leo frightened the hell out of Capetonian streetwalkers and petrol garage attendants, dressed incredibly as the […]

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How I Met Your Father: The Game of Thrones farewell cosplay tour begins

Kids, as you well know, your godparents and I were SUPER Game of Thrones fans, and as the premiere of the final season EVER dawned, Leo, Tendai and I were up for just about ANYTHING to celebrate. Hence, entering an OMG Game of Thrones pub quiz at the Jack Black’s Taproom in Diep River, Cape […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one with the creepy guys

Kids, in 2019, after years of inappropriate messages from men on dating apps and a rollercoaster of horrific dates, I thought I’d heard and seen it all. Of course, because this is my life, and the Universe likes to make sure I know exactly how wrong I can be, in the space of two months […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one with the train trip to Elgin

elgin railway market

Kids, 2019 was my Year of Yes – I was saying yes to new adventures, new places, new people and new experiences. I’d been wanting to try the Ceres Railway train to the Elgin Market and when your Uncle Moenier said he was keen to do it too, we booked tickets for the experience of […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one with the indecent Valentine’s Day text

Kids, Valentine’s Day tends to bring out the downright nasty in Tinder daters. As the great Dothraki would say: In 2019, things were no different. David and I had swiped right on each other, prompting what I assumed would be a mutually respectful exchange. I was wrong. SO wrong. My grandfather passed notes to my […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one where I spilt my tea for a man

Kids, I was feeling Jet hard… and although I tried to believe Jennifer Paige when she said it was just a little : … it didn’t help that he was obviously feeling the same way. I mean the guy was calling me his girlfriend to coworkers; eagerly greeting me morning, noon and night; playing the […]

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How I Met Your Father: 3 dating resolutions for 2019

Kids, in January 2019, I was about 13 months away from having you and I realised that while 2018 had been a year of learning and growing dating-wise, I had no time to f*** around anymore and I had to get serious about finding your Dad. I knew he wasn’t going to just drop out […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one with the #TinderFail PT 2

tinder fail

Kids, in the summer of 2018, I was taking a bit of a break from Tinder while I saw where things would go with Jet. In the interest of online dating research, though, I turned to my friends for their hilarious #TinderFail stories. Faye had been chatting to *Greg*, a 39-year-old lonely boy on and […]

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How I Met Your Father: the one where I have no game PT2

Kids, as we have previously established, your mama has no game with the opposite sex. In 2018, I am sad to say, things had not changed. For all my protests about not shitting where you eat, I found myself with a workplace crush. It had all started innocently enough… Jet would borrow a pen from […]

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How I Met Your Father: The One where we found magic in New York

Kids, in 2018, your Spirit Mom Leo and I took that much anticipated Girls’Trip to New York and it was magical… No, literally. Everything we did, without actually intending for it to be that way, ended up with a magical twist. We started Magic Day (and Halloween) on 31 October with a visit to Fantasma […]

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